Beth Sanchez of Beth's Cakes - OKIE Magazine

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Elections are hard. Most of us are gearing up to vote right now, bringing to the table beliefs about the nature of reality and the right way to run a democratic society. Few of us would ever suggest that our political ideologies are 100% airtight, absolutely correct. Most of us are willing to admit the possibility of there being at least some error in our thinking on politics. Self examination is hard, and each of task. That’s why you need me. I’ve been watching for years, and feel that I have more than enough data to tell you exactly what is wrong with each of you. I will be generalizing, but that is to be expected. Here is some constructive criticism. REPUBLICANS: You’ll always be disappointed in culture because, unless you exclusively follow Ted Nugent and Dennis Miller, you opinions echoed in the arts or mainstream media. This isn’t good or bad. It just is. Ditch the persecution complex, admit that though the country may is not actually going to hell in a handbasket. You say you take political cues from the Bible? Jesus Christ never acted like a paranoid revolutionary who compulsively needed to control government with a moral majority in order to keep it from “corrupting” him or his people, and that government actually did mean him harm and eventually killed him. I think that if your party can stop its crazier members from saying sexist things and declaring war on anything that moves, then there is hope for the GOP. The 80s are over. Karl Rove isn’t testing well with younger viewers. Young people these days mostly like you if you seem nice. That’s it. DEMOCRATS: First, drop the “Demo.” Constructive Criticism An Election Breakdown Studies indicate that millennials react negatively to multisyllabic labels, so let’s just go with “Crats” from now on. Or even “The Cratz.” Think of it as your version of “GOP.” Also tolerance necessarily extends to those with intolerant viewpoints. This country was founded on the right to disassociate, so your party’s big wigs probably need to not legislate against private organizations (chicken restaurants, scouting troupes) that make attempts at mixing business and religion. Persecuting people for their beliefs almost never looks good historically. Acceptable alternatives would be to either boycott these organizations, or if you must continue to take your pages out of Jerry Falwell’s 1990s playbook. Encourage your LGBT clever names. Also, lets see if we can’t get that spending problem under control. If the Bush administration is “unpatriotic” for increasing the national debt by $4 trillion in 8 years (which they are), then mathematically speaking, Barack Obama and his cronies are 3 1/3 times as unpatriotic for increasing it by $5 trillion in 3 years. Just something to chew on. LIBERTARIANS: Always remember this: You are partially right, but you are also crazy. This is why people duck into bathrooms when they see you coming from across the mall. by Keaton Lamle for you to tell which part of you is doing the speaking: The “correct” part or the “crazy” part. Try to gauge by the facial expressions of those listening. Unless of course, like most Libertarians you only hang out with other Libertarians (which seems impossible, but always turns out to be the case) who are undoubtedly nodding vigorously. 15 YEAR OLD COMMUNISTS: What are you even doing? We already have a century full of evidence that this doesn’t work. I’m surprised you even exist. No girl wants to talk about “das uberbau” at Starbucks, and you don’t have enough life experience to really be very interesting about anything you didn’t read about. Prognosis: Without a cool car high school is probably going to be a long four years for you. ANARCHISTS: You should be excluded from all positive and reformative political discourse for the same reasons that would bar Richard Dawkins from ever teaching the New Testament at my church. When the only thing you have to say on a subject is that, “It shouldn’t exist” have already made an educated decision to feel otherwise. I’m as hesitant to classify this a political opinion as I am to call atheism a religion. FASCISTS: This is America. You will never be able to vote for no more voting. This country is lazier than I thought. issues, put an end to a century long search for national consensus, and told multiple groups of people I have never met exactly what is wrong with their worldview. It took 3 cups if the rest of this country were as thoughtful and humble as I am, we would have never gotten into this OKIE MAGAZINE www.okiemagazine.com Page 30
The Governor’s Arts Awards is an annual event recognizing individuals and organizations whose efforts have impacted the arts in their communities or throughout the state. First awarded in 1975, the awards are presented by the Governor during a special ceremony at the State Capitol. The Media in the Arts Award is given to an individual member of the media or media outlet that demonstrates commitment to the arts in Oklahoma documented through public awareness, support, fairness, initiative, creativity and professionalism in reporting. Honorees are: KOSU Radio, Stillwater OKIE Magazine, Lawton RSU Public TV, Claremore Join us for the 37th Annual Governor’s Arts Awards ceremony, Thursday, November 8 at 4 p.m. in the fourth floor rotunda of the state Capitol as Governor Mary Fallin honors this year’s recipients. The event is free and open to the public. A reception with light refreshments will be held in the first floor rotunda following the ceremony. DJ’s Bait Shop and Rowdy Rascals HOG DAY Saturday, November 3 $5 All You Can Eat Breakfast 7 a.m. Bike Rally/Dice Run 10 a.m. - 2 p.m. Live Music from Brown Stone Cooter Killers, Six Gun Roosters, WaYslde All proceeds get Oklahoma children to Shriner’s Hospital For more information, call 580.704.9356 or 580.588.2121 The Cajun Peddler 1930 NW Ferris Suite 15 580.591.2832 The Cajun Peddler A Little Bit of the Cajun Country Right Here in Lawton! We have ZAPPS Chips, Cajun Coffee, Seasonings, Sauces, Etc. We Do Special Orders! Open Noon - 6 p.m. Monday - Saturday Come in and shop for a spell! OKIE MAGAZINE www.okiemagazine.com Page 31
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Beth Sanchez of Beth's Cakes - OKIE Magazine

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