Beth Sanchez of Beth's Cakes - OKIE Magazine

Black Friday is the day following Thanksgiving Day,
traditionally the beginning of the Christmas shopping
season. On this day, most major retailers open
In recent years shoppers have become increasingly
more unruly, pinning employees against stacks
of merchandise and sometimes even resorting to
violence while trying to grab up bargains. People have
used pepper spray
on other shoppers,
stabbed volunteers
and even threatened to
shoot other shoppers
waiting in line. In 2008,
a WalMart emplyee was
trampled and killed by
shoppers rushing the
entrance of the store.
OKIE has asked
Mortimor to help readers
with suggestions on how
to stay safe during the
insanity.
The man in line
waiting for the doors
to open and wearing
the cape and mask is
probably going to do
more harm than good.
How to Stay Safe
During Black Friday Shopping
The guy behind
you in line who keeps asking, “Does this smell like
chloroform to you?” is only trying to get your place in
line.
That lady that arrived with three kids, all wearing
football helmets-- avoid being near her when the doors
open--following her in only sounds good in theory.
Don’t count on that 5’6”, 140 lb. security guard
for your safety. It’s 38 degrees and he’s sweating
Don’t be so quick to call everybody else waiting in
by Mortimor Oullouitious Snerkleschwartz
line, ‘stupid.’ You’ve been here six hours so you can get
a chance at buying that special limited edition doll for
your child, who will spend more time enjoying the box it
came in than the doll itself.
Sure it’s safe. Over 2,000 people, unsupervised, in
the dark, no metal detectors or security to speak of, all
planning on going through a 48 square foot opening at
It should not
be ignored that
Oklahoma’s “open
exaclty 23 days before
Black Friday.
The lady wearing
the neck brace in
the wheelchair, with
the oxygen tank,
who secured a place
in handicapped
parking and the front
of the line may be
miraculously cured of
all her ailments when
the lock is turned on
that store door.
Probation,
protective orders
and house-arrest
ankle bracelets mean
nothing to the person
intent on getting the 52” plasma television for an
unbelievable price. Be careful.
You’ll make more money if you stand safely to the
side and video the massacre. The news wire services
will pay you top dollar for the story.
If your strategy for getting the best deals on Black
Friday involves recruiting a team of retired “special ops”
people you should maybe stick to homemade gifts.
Seal Team Six turned down the same mission.
OKIE MAGAZINE www.okiemagazine.com Page 21