Lessons In Practical Buddhism - Sirimangalo.Org

for themselves and others. Actually, it is simply
misunderstanding that is at the root of all suffering; if
everyone were honest with themselves, they would have to
admit that all attachment and clinging even in family life has
never brought much happiness or peace at all; on the
contrary, the more one clings to others, the more one suffers
when they change, as this example shows.
The pleasure that goes along with desire is what leads to
expectations of permanence, satisfaction, and controllability.
When those expectations are not met, the result will be such
unwholesome states as anger, frustration, sadness and
despair, etc. It is therefore natural that there should be
suffering when a person tries to give up clinging, especially
towards other people who are accustomed to a mutual
clinging relationship with that person. The successful
meditator will not make a conscious decision to stop clinging
to others, they will simply realize for themselves that no
good comes from attachment to that which is impermanent,
unsatisfying and uncontrollable, seeing for themselves that
objectively experiencing reality as it is leads to far more
peace and happiness for those who are do so. Their change
in outlook is a natural outcome of seeing reality as it truly is,
and the change in how they relate to the world around them
is only the natural outcome.
It is thus important to remember to be open to all
experiences that arise in meditation, whether pleasing or
displeasing. If something arises in our experience, we must
admit them to be a part of reality and adjust our
understanding accordingly, rather than trying to alter the
experience itself or even reject it outright in order to fit with
our preconceived notions of what reality should be. If we are
intent upon realizing the truth, we should be willing to open
up to even unpleasant situations. This doesn’t mean that our
meditation will always be unpleasant – meditation can also
bring states of great happiness or calm – but when we are
objective in our observation, we will see that even these
experiences are impermanent, unsatisfying, and, in the end,
uncontrollable. Once we note them as “happy, happy”,
“calm, calm”, we will lose any clinging towards them that
might lead us to expect them to stay or arise when they do
not.
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