red dwarf - two - 1.pdf

ed dwarf season two part one small black beetles: the overkill
RIMMER: Help! My brain's rebelled. It just won't accept
nice things happening to me. It just keeps fantasising
horribleness.
TAXMAN: Mister Rimmer? Mister Arnold Judas Rimmer?
Outland Revenue, sir! This is a demand for immediate
payment.
RIMMER: Eighteen thousand?
TAXMAN: If you are unable to pay, sir, I am instructed
by the Revenue to break both your legs and pull off your
thumbs, sir.
RIMMER: What am I going to do? I'm broke.
LISTER: I'll pay. Where's all my money gone?
RIMMER: Oh no! I just fantasised it all away. This is
getting worse. Help me.
CAT: Don't move! A huge, black, furry spider with big teeth
just crawled up your trouser leg.
RIMMER: I know. I just put it there. It's the thing I'm afraid
of most in the whole world -- a tarantula crawling up my
trousers.
LISTER: Rimmer, this is getting out of hand.
RIMMER: Do you think I don't know that. Ah! He's past my
knee. He's into my boxers.
LISTER: Close your eyes and wish it away.
RIMMER: I can't!
BTL BEACH. THE CREW IS BURIED IN SAND UP TO THEIR NECKS.
CAT: What's he done now?
RIMMER: I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
LISTER: What's going on?
RIMMER: Our faces have been smeared with jam and
we're about to be eaten alive by killer ants.
CAT: Why?
RIMMER: Why not?
HOLLY: Oh dear. You can't take him anywhere can you?
LISTER: You've ruined this, Rimmer.
RIMMER: We're going to die. We're going to die and it's all
my fault.
RED DWARF MAIL ROOM.
LISTER: You're a total dinglebat, aren't you?
CAT: Yeah! We were having a great time until you came
along with your diseased brain.
LISTER: You're a bozo!
RIMMER: I can't help it, nice things just don't happen to
me.
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