red dwarf - two - 1.pdf

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ed dwarf season two part one small black beetles: the overkill VIEW OF SPACE. Kryten HOLLY: Three million years from Earth, the mining ship Red Dwarf. Its crew: Dave Lister, the last human being alive; Arnold Rimmer, a hologram of his dead bunkmate; and a creature who evolved from the ship's cat. Message ends. Additional: As the days go by, we face the increasing inevitability that we are alone in a godless, uninhabited, hostile and meaningless universe. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you? NOVA-5. KRYTEN, AN ANDROID, WATCHES A VIDEO MONITOR ON WHICH TWO SILVER ANDROIDS, KELLY AND BROOK SPEAK. KELLY: Sit down, Brook. There's something I must tell you. BROOK: What is it, Kelly? KELLY: I wasn't with Simone that evening, Brook. I spent the night with Gary. BROOK: Your ex-husband Gary, my business rival? What are you telling me, Kelly? KELLY: I'm saying... Brook, Jr. BROOK: What about Brook, Jr.? KELLY: He isn't your android. SLEEPING QUARTERS. RIMMER WATCHES A RECORDING OF A WOMAN RECITING AN ESPERANTO INSTRUCTIONAL TAPE. WOMAN: "Mi esporas ke kiam vi venos la vetero estos milda." RIMMER: Wait a minute, I know this one, don't tell me, don't tell me, don't tell me! LISTER: I hope when you come the weather will be clement. WOMAN: "I hope when you come the weather will be clement." RIMMER: Lister, don't tell me. I could've got that. WOMAN: "Bonvolu direkti min al kvinsela hotela?" RIMMER: Ah... I remember this from last time... LISTER: Please could you direct me to a five-star hotel? RIMMER: Wrong, actually. Totally, utterly, and completely wrong. WOMAN: "Please could you direct me to a five-star hotel?" RIMMER: Lister, will you please shut up? LISTER: I'm only helping ya! RIMMER: Well I don't need any help. page 2
ed dwarf season two part one small black beetles: the overkill WOMAN: "La mango estis bonega! Dlej korajin gratulonjn' al la kuristo." RIMMER: I would like to purchase that orange inflatable beach ball and that small bucket and spade. WOMAN: "The meal was splendid! My heartiest congratulations to the chef." LISTER: Rimmer, you've been doing Esperanto for eight years. How come you're so utterly useless? RIMMER: Oh, speaks! And how many books have you read in your entire life? The same number as champion the wonder horse: zero! LISTER: I've read books. RIMMER: Lister, we're not talking about books where the main character is a dog called "Ben." LISTER: I went to Art College! RIMMER: You? How did you get into Art College? LISTER: The normal way you get into Art College. The same old, usual, normal, boring way you get in. Failed my exams and applied. They snatched me up. RIMMER: But you didn't get a degree, did you? LISTER: No, I dropped out. I wasn't in long. RIMMER: How long? LISTER: 97 minutes. I thought it was going to be a good skive and all that, you know? But I took one look at the time table and just checked out, man. I mean, it was ridiculous. They had lectures at, like, first thing in the afternoon. We're talking half-past twelve everyday. Who's together by then? You can still taste the toothpaste. RIMMER: Well, unlike you, Lister, I have ambitions. I'm not prepared to sit around all day polishing my space-bike so I can go joyriding through some asteroid belt. 'Cause I'm not a gimp! And one of my ambitions is to learn another language so kindly let me get on with it. WOMAN: "La menuo aspektas bowege -- mi provos la kokidajon." RIMMER: Ah, now this is one I do know. AT DINNER HOLLY: The menu looks interesting -- I think I'll try the chicken. RIMMER: Holly, as the Esperantinos would say, "Bonvolu alsendi la pordiston? Lausajne estas rano en mia bideo!" And I think we all know what that means. HOLLY: Yeah, it means, "Could you send for the hall porter? There appears to be a frog in my bidet." RIMMER: Is it? Well what's that one about, "Your father was a baboon's rump and your mother spent most of her life up against walls with sailors?" page 3
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