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ed <strong>dwarf</strong> season <strong>two</strong> part one small black beetles: the overkill<br />
GORDON: I'm just sending on the latest move in our chess<br />
game. My move is Pawn, right -- that's the little knobbly ones<br />
down the front -- Pawn to King four. Your move. Well, I'd<br />
better sign off now. See you, Hol. Bye. How do you turn<br />
this off then?<br />
LISTER: You were playing postal chess with him, were you?<br />
HOLLY: Well. A chance to lock horns with an intellect of<br />
that calibre I'd be a fool not to. Pawn to King four eh? He's<br />
a sly one.<br />
LISTER: So who's winning Hol?<br />
HOLLY: Well, he is really. That was the first move.<br />
LISTER IS SORTING OUT THE NEWLY DELIVERED MAIL.<br />
LISTER: Me. Me. Me. You. Me.<br />
RIMMER: It's all junk mail yours, you know. You send off<br />
for every bit of rubbish going, you do. Just so you'll have<br />
some mail to open. (Silly voice) Please rush me my portable<br />
walrus polishing kit. Four super brushes that will clean even<br />
the trickiest of seabound mammals. Yes I am over eighteen,<br />
though my IQ isn't.<br />
LISTER: Me. Me. Smeg! "Outland Revenue." Eight thousand<br />
five hund<strong>red</strong>?<br />
RIMMER: Eight thousand five hund<strong>red</strong>? That's a lot of tax<br />
isn't it, Lister? How are you going to pay for that, eh?<br />
LISTER: I'm not. It's yours.<br />
RIMMER: What? No. This is wrong. It's wrong. This is well<br />
wrong, Lister.<br />
LISTER: Relax. It doesn't matter now. They're not going to<br />
catch you now are they?<br />
RIMMER: What do you mean? Just because we're three<br />
million years into deep space and the human species is extinct.<br />
That means nothing to these people. They'll find us. God,<br />
I'll be worrying about this all the time now.<br />
LISTER: Me. Not another one for you. Rear Admiral<br />
Lieutenant General Rimmer.<br />
RIMMER: That's from my mother.<br />
LISTER: Rear Admiral?<br />
RIMMER: Every time I take an exam I tell her I passed. It's<br />
getting embarrassing now. I should be Commander in<br />
Chief of the whole universe.<br />
LISTER: Do you want me to open it? "Dear Rimmer." Is<br />
this from your mum?<br />
RIMMER: That's mumsie!<br />
LISTER: This handwriting's terrible. "I hope this epistle<br />
finds you adequately healthy to discharge your duties." You<br />
know maybe I shouldn't be reading this deeply personal<br />
stuff.<br />
RIMMER: Just get on with it.<br />
page 14
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