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ed <strong>dwarf</strong> season <strong>two</strong> part one small black beetles: the overkill<br />
VIEW OF SPACE.<br />
Better Than Life<br />
HOLLY: Three million years from Earth, the mining ship Red<br />
Dwarf. Loneliness weighs heavily on us all. Personally the<br />
only thing that keeps me going is the thought that we are<br />
over sixty billion miles away from the nearest Berni Inn.<br />
RED DWARF. LISTER IS HOLDING A BOTTLE OF LIQUID.<br />
LISTER: "For a mild stomach upset take one teaspoonful.<br />
For acute indigestion take <strong>two</strong>."<br />
RIMMER: Well, a highly enjoyable meal all round.<br />
Obviously you can't expect perfection first time but I was<br />
quite delighted with the way my dumplings went down.<br />
LISTER: Rimmer, real dumplings, proper dumplings when<br />
they're properly cooked to perfection, proper dumplings,<br />
should not bounce.<br />
RIMMER: True, but compa<strong>red</strong> to what I thought they<br />
were going to be like they were quite superb.<br />
LISTER: So how's the Cat?<br />
RIMMER: He's just sleeping off the stomach pump. He'll be<br />
alright. The lamb was a bit of a flop though.<br />
LISTER: The lamb? Everybody thought the lamb was the<br />
cheese and that lemon meringue pie, man, what was in that?<br />
RIMMER: I thought you liked that, you brought some back.<br />
LISTER: Yeah, I wanted to try some on my athlete's foot.<br />
RIMMER: It's not easy, Lister, cooking. When you're dead,<br />
when you don't exist, when you're made entirely of light.<br />
LISTER: That's your excuse for everything isn't it -- being<br />
dead?<br />
RIMMER: I'm just trying to rehabilitate myself, trying to do<br />
the everyday, normal things that most living people take for<br />
granted.<br />
LISTER: You've got the skutters to help you.<br />
RIMMER: What? Pinky and smeggy Perky? What use are<br />
they? It's like giving Blind Pew contact lenses.<br />
LISTER: They only do what you tell them to.<br />
RIMMER: But they don't, do they? You say, "Keep an<br />
eye on that lamb," and they do. They sit there for three<br />
hours and watch it burn.<br />
LISTER: So. They've got no emotion, have they? It's not built<br />
into their software.<br />
RIMMER: Have you seen their broom cupboard? It's full of<br />
pin-ups of John Wayne. That cannot be right, can it? Piled<br />
page 12
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