From Ignorance to Innocence - Osho - Oshorajneesh.com

CHAPTER 17. JESUS, THE ONLY FORGOTTEN SON OF GOD
gathered. He was sitting in his cot and he said, ”Who has done it?” He was trembling and shaking
and afraid.
People said, ”Please get out of the cot at least. Then we will find out what has happened.” I was
there in the crowd, and I said,”What is the matter? You could have called your Balaji. But you didn’t
call him, you gave a scream and you forgot all about Balaji. Six hours training every day for your
whole life....”
He looked at me and he said, ”Is that too a secret?”
I said, ”Now there are two secrets you have to keep. One you have already kept for many years.
This is now the second.”
But from that day he stopped that three hours shouting in the temple. I was puzzled. Everybody was
puzzled. He stopped taking a bath in that well, and those three hours evening and morning he just
forgot. He arranged a servant priest to come every morning to do a little worship and that was all.
I asked him, ”Balaji, what has happened?”
He said, ”I had told you a lie that I am not afraid. But that night, waking up over the well – that shriek
was not mine.” You can call it the primal scream. It was not his, that is certainly true. It must have
come from his deepest unconscious. He said, ”That scream made me aware that I am really an
afraid man, and all my prayers are nothing but trying to persuade God to save me, to help me, to
protect me.
”But you have destroyed all that, and what you have done was good for me. I am finished with all
that nonsense. I tortured the whole neighborhood my whole life, and if you had not done that, I
may have continued. I am aware now that I am afraid. And I feel that it is better to accept my fear
because my whole life has been meaningless and my fear is the same.”
Only in 19701 went for the last time to my city. I had a promise with my mother’s mother that when
she dies – she had taken it as a promise – that I would come. So I had gone. I just went around the
town to meet people and I saw Balaji. He was looking a totally different man. I asked him, ”What
has happened?”
He said, ”That scream changed me completely. I started to live the fear. Okay, if I am a coward,
then I am a coward; I am not responsible for it. If there is fear, there is fear; I was born with it.
But slowly, slowly as my acceptance grew deeper, that fear has disappeared, that cowardliness has
disappeared.
”In fact I have disposed of the servant from the temple, because if my prayers have not been heard,
then how is a servant’s prayer going to be heard... a servant who goes to thirty temples the whole
day?”because he gets two rupees from each temple. ”He is praying for two rupees. So I have
disposed of him. And I am perfectly at ease, and I don’t bother a bit whether God exists or not. That
is His problem, why should I be bothered?
”But I am feeling very fresh and very young in my old age. I wanted to see you, but I could not come,
I am too old. I wanted to thank you that you did that mischief; otherwise, I would have continually
From Ignorance to Innocence 240 Osho