Why do Asians really get straight A's? - Project Gutenberg Consortia ...

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5 I start to fall asleep at the wheel since the drive up is taking its toll on me, so I'm going to let Gabriel drive for a bit. I really don't want to let him drive, since he's a madman behind the wheel. However, he's a special and unique kind of madman because he stays quiet, while other drivers experience road rage and yell bloody murder in order to raise hell on Earth. But even quiet people can be dangerous— and deadly. I remember when we were driving one night to a club in LA. We had to get there before ten o'clock or else we would have to pay the cover charge. Gabriel drives this Subaru Impreza WRX, because he thinks he's a godd@mn racer—like every Asian guy in California. So anyway, he was driving like a bat out of hell, bobbing and weaving in traffic, talking on his cell phone with his left hand, eating a burger with his right hand and even shaving with an electric razor— all at the same time! I should've thrown him three balls just to see him juggle— at least get some entertainment before we crash and die. I would love to make a bet with any thrill seeker or extreme sports fanatic that they would not be able last for more than a minute in the passenger seat with Gabriel driving. I've talked to him so many times about the way he drives, but he says that he knows what he's doing and that he's a safe driver. He even claims that the other drivers on the road are the problem, that their driving is too defensive. His theory is that they've taken too many defensive driving courses, so there's too much defense on the road and there needs to be a little more offense, like in football. Gabriel's theory is that his offensive driving will balance out all the defensive driving, thus, neutralizing any problem and making everything okay. Theories like his make me wonder why I even bother hanging out with him. “ Hey Johnson. Let's go up to San Fran. I know this place where we can score some pretty good weed, ” Gabriel exhorts, almost on the edge of begging. “ We don't have time to visit San Francisco since I'll be @ss-kissing my aunt the entire weekend. ” Note to self: get some lip balm. “ Dude, we have to have some fun. We can't just hang out with your aunt the entire
weekend. ” Gabriel's right. We really need to have some fun. And I can think of only one thing that all Asian guys love to do for fun—besides being fake race car drivers. “ You up for a little Street Fighter, Gabriel? ” I ask with a simper. “ Hell yeah! Let's do it! ” Gabriel shouts at the top of his lungs. I know exactly what to say, to get him all hot and bothered. For those of you that are not cognizant of Street Fighter, it's a video game that started out in the late 80's to become the greatest fighting game of all time— and that's a fact! There are numerous international competitions in countries all over the world, even decades after its creation. Classics like Street Fighter will stand the test of time. I believe that the real reason Asian guys— and girls— play Street Fighter is because most Asians really can't fight! Everyone thinks Asian people know kung fu and karate, but the truth is that most don't know sh*t. Asians spend all of their time studying, reading books and hiding behind a suit and tie, so they have no time to practice martial arts. Plus, Asian people are generally small, so they typically gang up on people. If you ever go to a club and mess with one Asian guy, a hundredfold will jump out of nowhere to help, like ninjas from the darkness of the night. “ Gabriel! ” I shout out loud, as the car traverses into the other lane. I can't believe I'm letting him drive! “ Sorry, Johnson! I wasn't paying attention. ” No sh*t, I think to myself. But why should I even bother reacting? This type of driving is to be expected from a madman. “ I'm just so excited to play Street Fighter. It's been so long! ” Gabriel exclaims with delight, like an anxious virgin on prom night. “ Sometimes I wish I could quit school and just be a professional gamer.” “ No way in hell! ” I laugh haughtily. “ You can't even beat me on my worst day! ” “ We'll see about that, ” Gabriel retorts adamantly. “ Just wait and see how badly I whoop up on you. ” Regardless of who is the winner, we're both ultimately losers, because we live vicariously through a video game. Gabriel and I really need to get ourselves a life. As we make our way up to San Jose, I can't help but to notice the copious number of new houses and buildings all along the freeway, with huge banner signs posting FREE RENT and NEW HOMES, all across the city landscape. It's only been about a year since my last visit, but in my absence, it seems that there's a meteoric rise of suburban sprawl that is now infecting the Bay Area like a contagious disease. “ They're building all these new condos downtown, ” Gabriel says, noticing the awe in
Page 2 and 3: Why do Asians really get straight A
Page 4 and 5: Yellow on the Outside, Shame on the
Page 6 and 7: THANKS TO: You, the reader Ryan & C
Page 8 and 9: Outset
Page 10 and 11: gigolo? A gigolo only screws one pe
Page 12 and 13: “ Are you daydreaming again? ”
Page 14 and 15: didn't come to America for the free
Page 16 and 17: pay taxes, fees, and other expenses
Page 18 and 19: school program, to strengthen and d
Page 20 and 21: 3 I got up this morning feeling ver
Page 22 and 23: Since it's an Asian custom to alway
Page 24 and 25: that's when they get you for the bi
Page 26 and 27: slaps my right arm and says, “ Yo
Page 28 and 29: pressure from my parents. Plus, Asi
Page 30 and 31: that this guy thinks incest is best
Page 34 and 35: my eyes. “ All these yuppies are
Page 36 and 37: the picture. Before stepping into t
Page 38 and 39: that plenty of Asians have endured
Page 40 and 41: Of course, cops would always use th
Page 42 and 43: and even a Starbucks inside for all
Page 44 and 45: goodbye to them. “ Gabriel! What'
Page 46 and 47: “ And this is coming from a perso
Page 48 and 49: That's great if that's what she rea
Page 50 and 51: 8 I can't believe that I actually f
Page 52 and 53: Rushing to my molecular biology cla
Page 54 and 55: letters on the top of my hand. “
Page 56 and 57: Theorem Number 2: Status; because i
Page 58 and 59: is quite discourteous. I almost got
Page 60 and 61: 10 Waiting at the airport is easily
Page 62 and 63: happen to me— feather duster! So
Page 64 and 65: Who really needs to work 100 hours
Page 66 and 67: 11 The plane lands as I start to wa
Page 68 and 69: just for the sake of getting a gift
Page 70 and 71: With all of us at the kitchen table
Page 72 and 73: grades they get and most importantl
Page 74 and 75: light up the incense— provided to
Page 76 and 77: Asian people are so obsessed with m
Page 78 and 79: Interlude
Page 80 and 81: throat and ease my nervousness. Per
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for-a-date routine, which isn't rea
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through me with ineffable waves of
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uy all of our groceries. How about
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answer that you get. Then come and
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willingly put my trust in her. She
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Calliope alludes, with a perplexed
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ut she explains to me that the brok
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oad, other than mine of course, and
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picture frame, right next to the bo
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want to admit that they failed as p
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16 Today is the greatest day in the
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testicles, obviously not his own be
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17 Today's the big day. Today will
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The instructor comes into the room
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do well the second time. Plus we'll
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toasted almond flakes along the sid
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19 My phone is ringing off the hook
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“ Yeah. This is a snack. I'm a gr
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segregation by the restaurant. I fi
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Hollywood is f*cked up but it's als
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spike heel platforms, peeping-tom p
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We both stagger down the hallway, a
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20 Today's the big day. Today will
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now we're doing the complete opposi
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The main problem with the cupidity
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that I've always wanted from my par
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with the power of control, per my A
Page 137 and 138:
year programs. Do you know why it's
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(continued) Question: Do you know t
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