Why do Asians really get straight A's? - Project Gutenberg Consortia ...

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that's when they get you for the big crimes like DUI. Gabriel got sent to jail once for a DUI, because the arresting female officer smelled pot on him, even though he wasn't smoking anything; Gabriel just happened to be wearing a dirty shirt, possibly stained with pot residue. It was only his first offense, but they still held him in prison for a week! I didn't have enough money to bail him out since the court purposely brought his charges up to a felony status, and his bail jumped up to the cost of a new BMW. Plus, he didn't want his parents to know so he stuck it out for a week in the OC concentration camp. Gabriel gave his parents the excuse that he decided to go upstate for a week in order to check out some medical school programs— pure genius. Gabriel's true talent is knowing how to bullsh*t. Anyway, to get released, Gabriel gladly agreed to the plea bargain of a misdemeanor conviction, accompanied with informal probation, but they still wouldn't let him out of jail! They kept him there the whole night, even after he signed the plea bargain! He told me that the reason they keep you there is because they don't want “ convicts ” and “ hoodlums ” walking the streets of Irvine. Instead, they let you out late at night, at a godforsaken hour, in the middle of nowhere, so that no one can see you when you leave. Remember how I told you that people don't walk in ostentatious Irvine? That's because they'll probably think that you just got out of jail! Irvine is trying so desperately to keep their little suburban utopia intact, that they'll do anything, like violate your constitutional rights. That's why Gabriel's so anal retentive about my driving, even though I'm a d@mn good driver, unlike most Asians. He's always checking things to make sure we don't get pulled over: the seat belts, the side mirrors, and right now, the passenger-side airbag. (By the way, Gabriel says that smoking pot in the car is totally okay, since he believes that the medicinal properties of marijuana actually help ease and relieve the stresses of driving— that sounds good enough to me so let's toke up!) Gabriel analyzes the passenger-side airbag with obsessive-compulsive hands, as if he's an inspection agent. “ Why is the airbag on my side so small? It's like the size of a Game Boy, ” Gabriel asks. He's the type of person that demands an answer to all of his stupid questions. “ It's the new superficial airbag which protects the most important part: the face, ” I retort, like a smart @ss. “ As long as the face is protected, 'cause the body doesn't really matter. We all know how important faces are here in LA. ” If he likes stupid questions, then I'll give him stupid answers.
Johnson.” Gabriel turns his head and gives me a smile. “ You're actually funny for once, I smile back. It's always fun driving with Gabriel. I still remember the time when we first met. It was all the way back in elementary school. His parents moved here from Japan to start a furniture business, and he didn't speak much English when he got here. Actually, he didn't speak any English at all, now that I think about it. I had to show him around school and take him everywhere. I actually didn't like him at first because he was a FOB, seriously fresh off the boat. But we got along and we ended up hanging out a lot. I would always go over to his house to play Nintendo. Back then, the Japanese had the newest games to hit the market. So Gabriel made a lot of new friends in no time, because of that Nintendo. He was funny as a kid, too, and even made fun of himself for being a foreigner. That's the thing about Gabriel; he's always up for a laugh. But I hate it whenever he makes fun of me for not being able to speak my native language, since I was born here in California. I keep telling him that the reason I can't speak my native language is because my parents never taught it to me. And the reason that they never taught it to me is because they're afraid that if I had any hint of a foreign accent, then I wouldn't be able to get a good job. He says that's stupid and I totally agree with him. In fact, most Asians born in America can't speak their native language, because their parents are so scared of an accent ruining their chances of becoming a doctor or lawyer. And you already know why Asian parents want their kids to become doctors and lawyers. Asian parents are even willing to sell out their own culture and relegate their native language, all in the name of money. “ Dude. How come you never look at your side mirror whenever you're driving? ” Gabriel suddenly remarks, as I start to change lanes without checking my mirror. He's still in inspection agent mode. I decide on another smart-@ss thing to say to him. “ Side mirrors are overrated. It's all hype. ” I think that's smart-@ss enough— at least stupid enough. Gabriel gives me a bizarre smirk. “ Overrated? It's a safety device, you idiot. ” I can tell Gabriel is a little annoyed. about it.” “ Nah, side mirrors really are overrated, ” I say to him, continuing to smile. “ Don't worry “ I'm not worried about it. I'm just slightly concerned. ” We both laugh. Then Gabriel
Page 2 and 3: Why do Asians really get straight A
Page 4 and 5: Yellow on the Outside, Shame on the
Page 6 and 7: THANKS TO: You, the reader Ryan & C
Page 8 and 9: Outset
Page 10 and 11: gigolo? A gigolo only screws one pe
Page 12 and 13: “ Are you daydreaming again? ”
Page 14 and 15: didn't come to America for the free
Page 16 and 17: pay taxes, fees, and other expenses
Page 18 and 19: school program, to strengthen and d
Page 20 and 21: 3 I got up this morning feeling ver
Page 22 and 23: Since it's an Asian custom to alway
Page 26 and 27: slaps my right arm and says, “ Yo
Page 28 and 29: pressure from my parents. Plus, Asi
Page 30 and 31: that this guy thinks incest is best
Page 32 and 33: 5 I start to fall asleep at the whe
Page 34 and 35: my eyes. “ All these yuppies are
Page 36 and 37: the picture. Before stepping into t
Page 38 and 39: that plenty of Asians have endured
Page 40 and 41: Of course, cops would always use th
Page 42 and 43: and even a Starbucks inside for all
Page 44 and 45: goodbye to them. “ Gabriel! What'
Page 46 and 47: “ And this is coming from a perso
Page 48 and 49: That's great if that's what she rea
Page 50 and 51: 8 I can't believe that I actually f
Page 52 and 53: Rushing to my molecular biology cla
Page 54 and 55: letters on the top of my hand. “
Page 56 and 57: Theorem Number 2: Status; because i
Page 58 and 59: is quite discourteous. I almost got
Page 60 and 61: 10 Waiting at the airport is easily
Page 62 and 63: happen to me— feather duster! So
Page 64 and 65: Who really needs to work 100 hours
Page 66 and 67: 11 The plane lands as I start to wa
Page 68 and 69: just for the sake of getting a gift
Page 70 and 71: With all of us at the kitchen table
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light up the incense— provided to
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Asian people are so obsessed with m
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Interlude
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throat and ease my nervousness. Per
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for-a-date routine, which isn't rea
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through me with ineffable waves of
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uy all of our groceries. How about
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answer that you get. Then come and
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willingly put my trust in her. She
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Calliope alludes, with a perplexed
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ut she explains to me that the brok
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oad, other than mine of course, and
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picture frame, right next to the bo
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want to admit that they failed as p
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16 Today is the greatest day in the
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testicles, obviously not his own be
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17 Today's the big day. Today will
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The instructor comes into the room
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do well the second time. Plus we'll
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toasted almond flakes along the sid
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19 My phone is ringing off the hook
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“ Yeah. This is a snack. I'm a gr
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segregation by the restaurant. I fi
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Hollywood is f*cked up but it's als
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spike heel platforms, peeping-tom p
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We both stagger down the hallway, a
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20 Today's the big day. Today will
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now we're doing the complete opposi
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The main problem with the cupidity
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that I've always wanted from my par
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with the power of control, per my A
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year programs. Do you know why it's
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(continued) Question: Do you know t
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