Why do Asians really get straight A's? - Project Gutenberg Consortia ...

virtue of blood, Caucasians are minorities just like the rest of us. But since there has to be a
class of elites and a class of peons, I guess we'll have to be the minorities— even though
Caucasians were here second just like the rest of us. And since we're the minorities, we've
been emblematically segregated as Asian Americans, African Americans, and even Jewish
Americans, but the strange thing is that I've never heard of Caucasian Americans. More
importantly, why can't we all just be called Americans, since all of us are, after all, Americans?
My parents wouldn't care, though, since they only care about on money, status, and
power— big surprise! I remember last summer when my parents purchased a new BMW 550i,
because the outdated BMW 3 series that we had was exactly that— outdated. They explained
that we, as a family, needed to “ keep up ” with the rest of the residents in our neighborhood,
in order to stay competitive. If that isn't a good enough reason to buy a 550i, I don't know what
is— I love sarcasm.
So let's say that we really are competing with our neighbors and the rest of the
residents in Irvine. Who set up the competition then? Who are all the contestants? Do they
even know what they're competing for? Oh, that's right: status, the second of my Asian Pride
Theorems. They're competing to see who is on top of the “ suburban food chain. ” Let's say,
hypothetically, that my family's on top. Now what? Do we get a trophy? Do we get a lifetime
supply of @ss-kissing from other Irvine residents? We don't get cr@p. Actually, what we get—
unbeknownst to my parents— is people talking behind our backs and people spreading
gossip. I'm sure they're all saying, “ Look at Johnson's family buying that BMW 550i, trying to
show us up.”
I often wonder what would happen to all these pretentiously arrogant people here in
Irvine, if— or actually when— the big earthquake comes; it can happen at anytime since all of
California is on a godd@mn fault line. Then their opulent homes, expensive cars, and every
precious, material possession would be lost at a moment's whim; would they still be “ on top”
then? These pretentiously arrogant people are just like everyone else. They have to put on a
pair of pants, one leg at a time, just like everyone else; they have to take the same nasty sh*t
in the toilet, just like everyone else. The only difference is that they have an extra electronic
digit in their bank account— whoop-de-do! I don't see why it's so special to be “ on top. ”
Also, I find it rather ironic that we had to buy our vainglorious BMW 550i from a dealer,
so in essence, the dealer would be “ on top ” ; but then the dealer had to get his line of BMW's
from the person who owns all of BMW; then the person who owns all of BMW is required to