Why do Asians really get straight A's? - Project Gutenberg Consortia ...

which passes Stanford, Oxford, and Columbia Court Apartments and runs through the
prestigious streets: Cornell, Columbia, Berkley, and last but not least, Yale Avenue. I guess
they're telling us that UCI is just as good as any of the Ivy League schools. Somehow, I don't
think street names and apartment courts are going to measure up to that standard. I would
have gone anywhere else other than UCI, but I didn't have a choice in the matter since my
parents are paying for my college tuition. My parents love the idea of me attending college
here in Irvine, because it means that I have to live at home, which means that they have
absolute, tyrannical control over every little detail of my life— the dream of every Asian parent.
So Jordan goes to Stanford while I settle for UCI. She was always Mommy and
Daddy's pride and joy, the wunderkind of our family. Mommy would always say to me, in her
FOB— Fresh Off the Boat— broken English: “ Johnson! Why you can't be more like Jordan?
She very smart and always the best at everything. ” Daddy would then add, in his much more
FOB, broken English: “ Johnson! We don't want just do your best. We want you be best. You
first in family to go college. You need make us proud. ” Asians here in America would call
Asian foreigners FOB's, because of their thick and heavy accent, as if they really just got off
the boat from Asia. FOB is quite derogatory, needless to say.
Whenever my parents would scold and yell at me, I would drift off into reverie and think
about Emilie Lee, the most beautiful girl that I've ever laid my eyes on. I've known her since
middle school— okay, the truth is that I don't really know her, but I've been in almost every
class with her. Let me tell you that she's absolutely stunning in every way: tall, thin, and
statuesque. Her eyes are wide but nicely shaped, and deep-set with a gleam of chestnut. And
her hair— oh my god, her hair— like pure, fine silk matted in black velvet. I can't believe I
sound just like a d@mn romance novel! And she has the most radiantly clear, lightly sun-
tanned face that makes her ivory teeth shine so luminously. But it's her insatiably full, lush lips,
turned down slightly at the corners, that speak her most resounding feature— well actually, her
most resounding feature is her @ss. And if you must know, most Asian girls have an @ss
that's flat like a brick wall with breasts to match. But Emilie totally defies the natural laws of
Asian genetics by having abounding, voluptuous breasts and a captivating lower exterior. It's
a good thing that she didn't make it to any of the Ivy League schools, or else I wouldn't have
the absolute pleasure of staring at her in class. And it's also a good thing that she was forced
with the proverbial two options of “ doctor or lawyer”— just like me— so that we ended up
taking the same pre-med biology classes for our final year here at UCI.