The Boy Next Door - Weebly

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To: Jason Trent From: John Trent Subject: You can call me... anything you want. I don't mind. And don't worry about Mim. I don't mind about that either. And I kind of like that sinkhole. I have a genuine affection for it. In fact, I'll be sad when they finally fill it in. Oops, there's just been a triple stabbing in Inwood. Gotta go. John To: Stacy Trent From: Jason Trent Subject: John Stace-- Something is wrong with John. I called him a psychotic freak last week, and he doesn't even care. Plus I warned him about Mim, and he said he doesn't care about that either! He doesn't even care about the sinkhole and the fact that there are no working toilets in his office building. This happened to my cousin Bill that time he swallowed the worm at the bottom of a bottle of tequila down in Mexico. He had to spend a month in a rehab! What should we do? J To: Jason Trent From: Stacy Trent > Subject: John Jason-- Before you have your poor brother hauled off to Bellevue, let me see if I can get anything out of him. He might be more willing to open up to me, seeing as how I don't go around calling him names. Kisses, Stacy
To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent > Subject: You took my advice, didn't you? Don't deny it. You called her. So spill. And don't leave anything out. I am thirty-four years old, which puts me, as a woman, at my sexual peak. I am also so pregnant I haven't seen my own feet in weeks. <strong>The</strong> only way I can have sex is vicariously. So start tapping on that keyboard, monkey boy. Stacy To: Stacy Trent From: John Trent Subject: Monkey boy responds You sure do talk racy for a full-time housewife and mother of two and a half. Do the other mommies on the PTA have their minds in the gutter, too? That must make for some interesting bake sales. For your information, what you are assuming has happened has not. And if things continue in the manner they have been, it never will, either. I don't know what it is about this girl. I know I am not the most debonair of men. I don't think anyone who has ever met me would classify me as a playboy. But nor have I ever been accused of being a complete imbecile. And yet when I'm around Mel, that's exactly how I end up looking--probably out of divine punishment for the fact that since I met her, I've done pretty much nothing but lie to her. Whatever it is, I cannot seem to pull off something as simple as dinner between the two of us. As you know, my first attempt ended with us eating pizza standing up (and her paying for her own slice). My second attempt was even worse: we spent most of the evening in an animal hospital. And then I very suavely added insult to injury by sexually harassing her on Max Friedlander's aunt's couch. She fled, in romance-novel vernacular, like a startled fawn. As well she should have: I'm sure I must have seemed like a teenager in post-prom heat. Is this satisfying your wish to live vicariously through my romantic adventures, Stacy? Are those toes you haven't seen in so long curling with excitement? I almost broke down and told her after the couch incident. I wish to God now that I had. Things have only gone from bad to worse. Because every day that I don't tell her is just another day she's going to hate me for when she finally figures it out. And she will figure it out. I mean, one of these days, my luck is going to run out, and someone who knows Max Friedlander is going to tell her I'm not him, and she's not going to understand when I try to explain, because it's all so utterly Animal House , and she's going to hate me, and my life is going to be over. Because for some unfathomable reason, instead of reviling me, like any woman in her right mind would, Mel seems actually to like me. I cannot for the life of me figure out why. I mean, you would think that, considering what she knows of me--or Max Friedlander, I should say--she'd hate my guts. But no. On the contrary: Mel laughs at my inane jokes. Mel listens to my asinine stories. And she apparently talks
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The Boy Next Door The Boy Next Door
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I thought I heard your name, of all
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7:55--Stagger to kitchen. Ingest no
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her brain from a giant blood clot t
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To: Aaron Spender From: Mel Fuller
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the wedding's off. Every girl in my
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To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
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Well, enjoy! And you make sure you
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To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: I can't
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prostituting himself out for photo
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To: Tom Barrett From: Max Friedlan
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To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
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To: Max Friedlander From: John Tre
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To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
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you who are born into money, the in
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What's more important to him, a bun
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Subject: Well???? DON'T TELL NADINE
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all. Although I guess it wasn't rea
Page 39 and 40: To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
Page 41 and 42: From: Jason Trent Subject: How'd I
Page 43 and 44: Your loving sister-in-law, Stacy To
Page 45 and 46: And you do???????????? To: Sergeant
Page 47 and 48: prints, etc. But unless that happen
Page 49 and 50: From: Tony Salerno Subject: Cut it
Page 51 and 52: ad as you say, or are you exaggerat
Page 53 and 54: Sure. The seven o'clock show would
Page 55 and 56: of you at Stella's baby shower. And
Page 57 and 58: To: John Trent From: Jason Trent
Page 59 and 60: same time. This is a marked improve
Page 61 and 62: To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
Page 63 and 64: To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: M
Page 65 and 66: ever coming to visit us again. Are
Page 67 and 68: PS I don't have to tell you how muc
Page 69 and 70: To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: J
Page 71 and 72: To: Mel Fuller From: Tony Salerno
Page 73 and 74: humiliating! Tim Grabowski from Pro
Page 75 and 76: about dogs and chicken bones.... We
Page 77 and 78: was how much I hate the Chronicle,
Page 79 and 80: still have tomorrow's column to do.
Page 81 and 82: But what I simply cannot forgive yo
Page 83 and 84: PS You'll never guess what! One of
Page 85 and 86: Tim To: Tim Grabowski From: Nadine
Page 87 and 88: Friend Tim: Likewise, I'm sure. Our
Page 89: Subject: Miss Fuller Dearest John,
Page 93 and 94: PS We're out of Cheerios. Can you p
Page 95 and 96: To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
Page 97 and 98: ecipe for crab-stuffed flounder. I
Page 99 and 100: From: Mel Fuller Subject: My Last
Page 101 and 102: my sheets, which are sticky now, bu
Page 103 and 104: as far as I could tell. I mean, the
Page 105 and 106: From: Mel Fuller Subject: Snickerd
Page 107 and 108: To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
Page 109 and 110: To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
Page 111 and 112: knocked a little while ago, but you
Page 113 and 114: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU??
Page 115 and 116: LOVE, BRITTANY AND ASHLEY To: John
Page 117 and 118: To: David J. Belew From: John Tren
Page 119 and 120: Okay, I know it's been a long time
Page 121 and 122: hours. She never goes twenty-four h
Page 123 and 124: Tim To: Nadine Wilcock From: Georg
Page 125 and 126: To:Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fuller
Page 127 and 128: I just don't understand what a guy
Page 129 and 130: To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
Page 131 and 132: Now, we can't really tell if any of
Page 133 and 134: Anyway, she's wracked all my credit
Page 135 and 136: was just lovely, and Donny looked s
Page 137 and 138: ight? Did you tell her it was too l
Page 139 and 140: To: Dolly Vargas From: Mel Fuller
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To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
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To: Sebastian Leandro From: Max Fr
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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Subject: Well, this is it We're lea
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that means it’s time for WORKING?
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent
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To: jerrylives@freemail.com From:Me
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stalls.... Go in there and tell her
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security desk, trying to get signed
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To: Mel Fuller From: Dolly Vargas
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pursue a restraining order against
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Something has got to be done about
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could do for all the advice she's g
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think we should just print a big bl
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To: John Trent From: Michael Evere
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If Trent doesn't sue the pants off
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From: Sergeant Paul Reese Subject:
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Max Friedlander From: Sebastia
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anyway. And what do you think happe
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I would be honored to go to lunch w
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I just spoke with John. He is so do
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whole thing with John has sent you
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Geez, calm down, will you? Max isn'
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To: Tony Salerno From: Nadine Wilc
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Tim Grabowski ; George Sanchez Fro
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Lunch Oh
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To: George Sanchez From: Mel Fulle
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From: Genevieve Randolph Trent Sub
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But Nadine, I do now, I really beli
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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Don't try to tell me she won't, eit
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Um, I think she had to do some rese
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Max: Don't you know it. Then she ha
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"The perpetrator wished to throw in
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To: Mel Fuller From: Vivica@sophis
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To: Mel Fuller From: John Trent S
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The Boy Next Door - Weebly

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