The Boy Next Door - Weebly

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From: Mel Fuller Subject: I do not care about Courtney Love's breasts.... ...and you'll be sorry for not letting me run with the Friedlander story, George. I'm telling you, there's something there. I can smell it. And by the way, Harrison would NEVER get a chemical peel. Mel PS And who doesn't care about Winona Ryder's love life? Look how cute she is. Don't you want her to be happy, George? PPS And they didn't explode, they leaked. Because of the altitude, George. God, don't you even READ my column????? To: Human Resources From: Mel Fuller Subject: My Tardiness Dear Human Resources, What can I say? You caught me. I guess my ·alcoholism ·drug addiction ·gambling addiction ·abusive domestic partner ·sleep disorders ·clinical depression and any number of other conditions have finally caused me to hit bottom. Please enroll me in the Staff Assistance Program right away! If you could hook me up with a shrink who looks like Brendan Frasier, and preferably conducts his therapy session with his shirt off, I’d appreciate it. Because the primary condition from which I am suffering is that I'm a twenty-sevenyear-old woman living in New York City, and I cannot find a decent guy. Just one guy, who won't cheat on me, doesn't live with his mother, and isn't turning to the Arts section of the Chronicle first thing Sunday morning, if you know what I mean. Is that asking so much???? See if your Staff Assistance Program can handle that. Mel Fuller Page Ten Columnist NY Journal
To: Aaron Spender From: Mel Fuller Subject: Can't we discuss this like adults? <strong>The</strong>re's nothing to discuss. Really, Aaron, I'm sorry for throwing my bag at you. It was a childish outburst that I deeply regret. And I don't want you to think that the reason we're breaking up has anything to do with Barbara. Really, Aaron, we were over a long time before you ever told me about Barbara. Let's face it, Aaron, we're just too different: You like Stephen Hawking. I like Stephen King. You know it would never have worked. Mel To: Dolly Vargas From: Mel Fuller Subject: Aaron Spender I did not throw my bag. It slipped out of my hand when I was reaching for my drink, and accidentally flew through the air and hit Aaron in the eye. And if you want him, Dolly, you can have him. Mel To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fuller Subject: Where I was Okay, okay, I should have called. <strong>The</strong> whole thing was just a nightmare. But that's not what's important. This, you're never going to believe: Aaron cheated on me in Chechnya. That's right. And you'll never guess who with. Seriously. Try to guess. You never will. All right, I'll tell you: Barbara Bellerieve. Uh-huh. You read that correctly: Barbara Bellerieve, respected senior ABC news correspondent, most recently host of the television news magazine TwentyFourSeven, and voted one of People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful people last month. Can you believe she slept with AARON???? I mean, she could have George Clooney, for God's sake. What would she want with AARON???? Not that I didn't suspect. I always thought those stories he kept emailing in during that month he was on assignment there were way too smug. You know how I found out? Do you? He TOLD me. He felt he was ready to reach the next level of intimacy with me (three guesses as to what level THAT is) and that in order to do so, he felt he had to make a clean breast of it. He says ever since it happened, he's been wracked with guilt and that none of it meant anything. God, what a putz. I can't believe I wasted three months of my life on him.
Page 1 and 2: The Boy Next Door The Boy Next Door
Page 3 and 4: I thought I heard your name, of all
Page 5 and 6: 7:55--Stagger to kitchen. Ingest no
Page 7: her brain from a giant blood clot t
Page 11 and 12: the wedding's off. Every girl in my
Page 13 and 14: To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
Page 15 and 16: Well, enjoy! And you make sure you
Page 17 and 18: To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
Page 19 and 20: From: Mel Fuller Subject: I can't
Page 21 and 22: prostituting himself out for photo
Page 23 and 24: To: Tom Barrett From: Max Friedlan
Page 25 and 26: To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
Page 27 and 28: To: Max Friedlander From: John Tre
Page 29 and 30: To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
Page 31 and 32: you who are born into money, the in
Page 33 and 34: What's more important to him, a bun
Page 35 and 36: Subject: Well???? DON'T TELL NADINE
Page 37 and 38: all. Although I guess it wasn't rea
Page 39 and 40: To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
Page 41 and 42: From: Jason Trent Subject: How'd I
Page 43 and 44: Your loving sister-in-law, Stacy To
Page 45 and 46: And you do???????????? To: Sergeant
Page 47 and 48: prints, etc. But unless that happen
Page 49 and 50: From: Tony Salerno Subject: Cut it
Page 51 and 52: ad as you say, or are you exaggerat
Page 53 and 54: Sure. The seven o'clock show would
Page 55 and 56: of you at Stella's baby shower. And
Page 57 and 58: To: John Trent From: Jason Trent
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same time. This is a marked improve
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To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
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To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: M
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ever coming to visit us again. Are
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PS I don't have to tell you how muc
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To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: J
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To: Mel Fuller From: Tony Salerno
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humiliating! Tim Grabowski from Pro
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about dogs and chicken bones.... We
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was how much I hate the Chronicle,
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still have tomorrow's column to do.
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But what I simply cannot forgive yo
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PS You'll never guess what! One of
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Tim To: Tim Grabowski From: Nadine
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Friend Tim: Likewise, I'm sure. Our
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Subject: Miss Fuller Dearest John,
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To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent >
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PS We're out of Cheerios. Can you p
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To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
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ecipe for crab-stuffed flounder. I
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: My Last
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my sheets, which are sticky now, bu
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as far as I could tell. I mean, the
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Snickerd
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To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
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knocked a little while ago, but you
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IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU??
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LOVE, BRITTANY AND ASHLEY To: John
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To: David J. Belew From: John Tren
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Okay, I know it's been a long time
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hours. She never goes twenty-four h
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Tim To: Nadine Wilcock From: Georg
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To:Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fuller
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I just don't understand what a guy
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To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
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Now, we can't really tell if any of
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Anyway, she's wracked all my credit
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was just lovely, and Donny looked s
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ight? Did you tell her it was too l
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To: Dolly Vargas From: Mel Fuller
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To: Sebastian Leandro From: Max Fr
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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Subject: Well, this is it We're lea
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that means it’s time for WORKING?
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent
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To: jerrylives@freemail.com From:Me
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stalls.... Go in there and tell her
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security desk, trying to get signed
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To: Mel Fuller From: Dolly Vargas
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pursue a restraining order against
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Something has got to be done about
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could do for all the advice she's g
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think we should just print a big bl
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To: John Trent From: Michael Evere
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If Trent doesn't sue the pants off
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From: Sergeant Paul Reese Subject:
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Max Friedlander From: Sebastia
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anyway. And what do you think happe
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I would be honored to go to lunch w
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I just spoke with John. He is so do
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whole thing with John has sent you
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Geez, calm down, will you? Max isn'
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To: Tony Salerno From: Nadine Wilc
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Tim Grabowski ; George Sanchez Fro
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Lunch Oh
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To: George Sanchez From: Mel Fulle
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From: Genevieve Randolph Trent Sub
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But Nadine, I do now, I really beli
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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Don't try to tell me she won't, eit
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Um, I think she had to do some rese
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Max: Don't you know it. Then she ha
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"The perpetrator wished to throw in
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To: Mel Fuller From: Vivica@sophis
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To: Mel Fuller From: John Trent S
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