The Boy Next Door - Weebly

To: jerrylives@freemail.com
From: Mel Fuller
Subject: Talk about a disaster
Hey, did you check out the Weather Channel this morning? Major tropical depressions
down in the Bahamas. I think we're looking at an upgrade to tropical storm any day now.
Keep your fingers crossed.
Mel
PS Next time you're going up to see your aunt, let me know, and I'll come with you. I
heard people in comas can recognize voices, so maybe I could try talking to her. You
know, since I used to see her practically every day, and all.
To: John Trent
From: Max Friedlander
Subject: Me
Hi! How's it going? Long time no heard from, huh? Just thought I'd check in. How's my
aunt? The old bag croak yet? Just kidding. I know how sensitive you are about all that,
so I won't wax humorous on that subject of old ladies meeting their makers.
Besides, I love the old harpy. I really do.
Well, things here in Key West are going swimmingly. And I do mean that literally. Viv
and I found a nude beach the other day, and all I can say is, John, if you haven’t gone
skinny dipping with a bow-legged supermodel, then, son, you haven't lived.
While she's in town having her bikini area waxed (for those occasions when we are
required to garb ourselves, such as around the hotel pool) I thought I'd see how things
were going with you, pal. You know, you really came through for me in a jam, and I don't
want you to think I don't appreciate it.
In fact, I appreciate it so much, I am going to offer you some advice. Advice on women,
actually, since I know how you are about them. You know, you shouldn't be so standoffish.
You really aren't a bad-looking guy. And now that you are, I trust, dressing with a
little more class, thanks to my tutelage, I assume you are getting a little more action. It is
time, I think, to move on to Max Friedlander's Panoplic Guide to Women.
There are seven types of women. Got that? Seven. No more. No less. That's it.
They are as follows:
1. avian
2. bovine