The Boy Next Door - Weebly

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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Max Friedlander Dolly, I swear to God, if you tell one more person that I saw Max Friedlander naked I will personally come over there and put a stake through your heart, which I hear is the only way to stop people like you. He was not NAKED, okay? He was fully clothed. FULLY CLOTHED AT ALL TIMES. Well, except for his forearms. But that's all I saw, I swear it. So stop telling people otherwise!!!!! Mel To: Mel Fuller From: Dolly Vargas Subject: Max Friedlander Darling, have I struck a nerve or something? I've never seen you use All Caps quite so strenuously. Max must have really made an impression on you for you to be so heated up. But then, he has that effect on women. He can't help it. Pheromones, you know. The man is lousy with them. Well, must go. Peter Hargrave is taking me to lunch. Yes, that's right, Peter Hargrave the editor in chief. Who knows, when I get back from lunch, I just might have a nice fat promotion. But don't worry, I won't forget the little people. Dolly XXXOOO PS What do you think of Aaron's new pants? Aren't they just the thing? Hugo Boss. I know, I know. But it's a start. To: Tony Salerno From: Mel Fuller Subject: Saturday Hi! Just a quick note to tell you not to worry--I'll be there Saturday. Yes, the dog guy actually showed up! See you then-- Proud to be your future wife's maid of honor-- Mel To: John Trent
From: Jason Trent Subject: How'd It Go? She's a redhead? That's IT? You're just going to leave me hanging here? WHAT HAPPENED??????????? Jason PS Stacy wants to know, too. To: Jason Trent From: John Trent Subject: How It Went Sorry. I got hung up on a story, and then I had to go back to Friedlander's aunt's place to walk the dog. Max failed to mention that the misleadingly-named Paco is a GREAT DANE. The dog weighs more than Mim. So what do you want to know? Did she believe I was Max Friedlander? I am sorry to say that she did. Did I play the part of Max Friedlander to perfection? I guess I must have, or she wouldn't have believed I was he. Do I feel like a grade-A heel for doing it? Yes. Self-flagellation and a big scarlet letter A for me. The worst part is...well, I already told you the worst part. She thinks I'm Max Friedlander. Max Friedlander, the ingrate who doesn't even seem to care that someone cold-cocked his eighty-year-old aunt. Melissa cares, though. That's her name. The redhead. Melissa. People call her Mel. That's what she told me. People call me Mel. She moved to the city right after college, which makes her about twenty-seven years old, since she's lived here for five years. Originally, she's from Lansing, Illinois. Have you ever heard of Lansing, Illinois? I've heard of Lansing, Michigan, but not Lansing, Illinois. She says it's a small town where you can walk down Main Street and everyone goes, Oh, hi, Mel. Just like that. Oh, hi, Mel. On her bookshelves are, among a great many other books, copies of every single thing ever written by Stephen King. Melissa has a theory that for every century, there's a writer who sums up the popular culture of the time, and for the nineteenth century, it was Dickens, and for the twentieth, it was Stephen King. She says it has yet to be determined who is going to be the voice of the twenty-first century. You know what my ex Heather (you remember Heather, don't you, Jason? She's the one you and Stacy referred to as the Mouth Breather?) had on her bookshelves, Jason? The complete works of Kierkegaarde. She'd never read Kierkegaarde, of course, but the book covers matched the color of her sofa cushions. That's what she saw me as. Heather, I mean. A six foot two checkbook that could pay off her decorating bill. Remind me again why Mim was so upset when Heather and I broke it off? Oh, and when I got there, she offered me beer. Melissa, not Heather.
Page 1 and 2: The Boy Next Door The Boy Next Door
Page 3 and 4: I thought I heard your name, of all
Page 5 and 6: 7:55--Stagger to kitchen. Ingest no
Page 7 and 8: her brain from a giant blood clot t
Page 9 and 10: To: Aaron Spender From: Mel Fuller
Page 11 and 12: the wedding's off. Every girl in my
Page 13 and 14: To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
Page 15 and 16: Well, enjoy! And you make sure you
Page 17 and 18: To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
Page 19 and 20: From: Mel Fuller Subject: I can't
Page 21 and 22: prostituting himself out for photo
Page 23 and 24: To: Tom Barrett From: Max Friedlan
Page 25 and 26: To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
Page 27 and 28: To: Max Friedlander From: John Tre
Page 29 and 30: To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
Page 31 and 32: you who are born into money, the in
Page 33 and 34: What's more important to him, a bun
Page 35 and 36: Subject: Well???? DON'T TELL NADINE
Page 37 and 38: all. Although I guess it wasn't rea
Page 39: To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
Page 43 and 44: Your loving sister-in-law, Stacy To
Page 45 and 46: And you do???????????? To: Sergeant
Page 47 and 48: prints, etc. But unless that happen
Page 49 and 50: From: Tony Salerno Subject: Cut it
Page 51 and 52: ad as you say, or are you exaggerat
Page 53 and 54: Sure. The seven o'clock show would
Page 55 and 56: of you at Stella's baby shower. And
Page 57 and 58: To: John Trent From: Jason Trent
Page 59 and 60: same time. This is a marked improve
Page 61 and 62: To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
Page 63 and 64: To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: M
Page 65 and 66: ever coming to visit us again. Are
Page 67 and 68: PS I don't have to tell you how muc
Page 69 and 70: To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: J
Page 71 and 72: To: Mel Fuller From: Tony Salerno
Page 73 and 74: humiliating! Tim Grabowski from Pro
Page 75 and 76: about dogs and chicken bones.... We
Page 77 and 78: was how much I hate the Chronicle,
Page 79 and 80: still have tomorrow's column to do.
Page 81 and 82: But what I simply cannot forgive yo
Page 83 and 84: PS You'll never guess what! One of
Page 85 and 86: Tim To: Tim Grabowski From: Nadine
Page 87 and 88: Friend Tim: Likewise, I'm sure. Our
Page 89 and 90: Subject: Miss Fuller Dearest John,
Page 91 and 92:
To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent >
Page 93 and 94:
PS We're out of Cheerios. Can you p
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To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
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ecipe for crab-stuffed flounder. I
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: My Last
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my sheets, which are sticky now, bu
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as far as I could tell. I mean, the
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Snickerd
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To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
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knocked a little while ago, but you
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IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU??
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LOVE, BRITTANY AND ASHLEY To: John
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To: David J. Belew From: John Tren
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Okay, I know it's been a long time
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hours. She never goes twenty-four h
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Tim To: Nadine Wilcock From: Georg
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To:Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fuller
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I just don't understand what a guy
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To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
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Now, we can't really tell if any of
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Anyway, she's wracked all my credit
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was just lovely, and Donny looked s
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ight? Did you tell her it was too l
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To: Dolly Vargas From: Mel Fuller
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To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
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To: Sebastian Leandro From: Max Fr
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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Subject: Well, this is it We're lea
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that means it’s time for WORKING?
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent
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To: jerrylives@freemail.com From:Me
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stalls.... Go in there and tell her
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security desk, trying to get signed
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To: Mel Fuller From: Dolly Vargas
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pursue a restraining order against
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Something has got to be done about
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could do for all the advice she's g
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think we should just print a big bl
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To: John Trent From: Michael Evere
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If Trent doesn't sue the pants off
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From: Sergeant Paul Reese Subject:
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Max Friedlander From: Sebastia
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anyway. And what do you think happe
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I would be honored to go to lunch w
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I just spoke with John. He is so do
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whole thing with John has sent you
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Geez, calm down, will you? Max isn'
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To: Tony Salerno From: Nadine Wilc
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Tim Grabowski ; George Sanchez Fro
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Lunch Oh
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To: George Sanchez From: Mel Fulle
Page 210 and 211:
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From: Genevieve Randolph Trent Sub
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But Nadine, I do now, I really beli
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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Don't try to tell me she won't, eit
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Um, I think she had to do some rese
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Max: Don't you know it. Then she ha
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"The perpetrator wished to throw in
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To: Mel Fuller From: Vivica@sophis
Page 228:
To: Mel Fuller From: John Trent S
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