The Boy Next Door - Weebly

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To: Don and Beverly Fuller From: Mel Fuller Subject: Snickerdoodles Dear Mommy, Thank you so much for the cookies! <strong>The</strong>y are delicious--at least, if I could taste anything, I'm sure they would be. I want you to know I am feeling much better--not better enough to go to work, of course, but better. I still sound bad enough that when I call my boss to say I won't be in, he isn't suspicious, which is good. Also, about that whole kissing thing: I'm sorry I accused you and Daddy of not passing good kissing genes down to me. It turns out I'm a fine kisser: John is just shy. Of course, it's hard kissing when you have a completely stuffed up nose, but I suppose practice makes perfect. Anyway, thanks again for the cookies, and I'll call you later. Love, Mel PS John loves your cookies too! To: Mel Fuller From: Don and Beverly Fuller Subject: Snickerdoodles Melissa, you'll have to forgive me. I really don't mean to pry. But I got the distinct impression--and don't feel like you have to tell me if you don't want to--but I got the impression that you and this John Max Friedlander are having sex. Now, you are a big girl and of course you have to make your own decisions, but I think you should be aware of a few things: He won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. It's true. It's really true. Get a ring on your finger before you uncross those legs, sweetie. Now, I know, I know. All the girls are doing it these days. Well, if you have to follow the in crowd then at least practice the safe sex, all right, honey? Promise Mommy now. Oops, I have to go. Daddy and I are meeting his bowling team at the Sizzler for dinner tonight. Love, Mom To: Don and Beverly Fuller
From: Mel Fuller Subject: Snickerdoodles Oh my God, Mother, I am NOT having sex with him, all right? I am just talking about kissing! How do you go from kissing to sex? Well, all right, I guess it's a natural progression, but still. That thing about the cow is so stupid. Do I look like a cow to you? Besides, whatever happened to trying the pants on before you buy them, huh? That's the advice Daddy gave Robbie before he went away to college. What do I get? <strong>The</strong> stupid cow thing! Well, for your information, Mother, I might want to try some pants on myself. Has that ever occurred to you? I mean, there are a lot of pants out there, and how am I going to find the right ones if I don't try on all the potential candidates? You know, after a thorough screening process? And OF COURSE if I do decide to try on these particular pants, I will use the utmost safety precautions. I mean, for God's sake, this is the 00s, after all. Would you PLEASE not tell any of this to Daddy? I am begging you. Mel To: Mel Fuller From: Don and Beverly Fuller Subject: Snickerdoodles You don't have to shout, sweetie. I can read you just fine in lower case letters. Of course I trust you and know that you will make the right decision. And I'm sure you're right about the pants. I know you'll do what's best. You always have. I just think a good rule of thumb would be not to try on any pants that haven't mentioned the "L" word. I know lots of pants--French and Italian pants, in particular--toss around the "L" word at the drop of a hat, but I think American pants are a little more reticent about it. When they say it, I think they usually mean it. So will you do me a favor and just get the "L" word first? Because I know you, Melissa. I know how easily your little heart gets broken. I was there for Jer, wasn't I? So you just wait until you've heard the "L" word, all right? I saw on the news that the transvestite killer has attacked another woman, this time on the Upper East Side! I hope you're locking your door at night, sweetie. He especially seems fond of size sixes, so you really need to look over your shoulder when you go out at night, honey. But don't forget to look out for those sinkholes! Love, Mommy PS And the falling air conditioners. To: Nadine Wilcock
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The Boy Next Door The Boy Next Door
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I thought I heard your name, of all
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7:55--Stagger to kitchen. Ingest no
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her brain from a giant blood clot t
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To: Aaron Spender From: Mel Fuller
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the wedding's off. Every girl in my
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To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
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Well, enjoy! And you make sure you
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To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: I can't
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prostituting himself out for photo
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To: Tom Barrett From: Max Friedlan
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To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
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To: Max Friedlander From: John Tre
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To: Jason Trent From: John Trent
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you who are born into money, the in
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What's more important to him, a bun
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Subject: Well???? DON'T TELL NADINE
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all. Although I guess it wasn't rea
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To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
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From: Jason Trent Subject: How'd I
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Your loving sister-in-law, Stacy To
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And you do???????????? To: Sergeant
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prints, etc. But unless that happen
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From: Tony Salerno Subject: Cut it
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ad as you say, or are you exaggerat
Page 53 and 54: Sure. The seven o'clock show would
Page 55 and 56: of you at Stella's baby shower. And
Page 57 and 58: To: John Trent From: Jason Trent
Page 59 and 60: same time. This is a marked improve
Page 61 and 62: To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
Page 63 and 64: To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: M
Page 65 and 66: ever coming to visit us again. Are
Page 67 and 68: PS I don't have to tell you how muc
Page 69 and 70: To: jerrylives@freemail.com From: J
Page 71 and 72: To: Mel Fuller From: Tony Salerno
Page 73 and 74: humiliating! Tim Grabowski from Pro
Page 75 and 76: about dogs and chicken bones.... We
Page 77 and 78: was how much I hate the Chronicle,
Page 79 and 80: still have tomorrow's column to do.
Page 81 and 82: But what I simply cannot forgive yo
Page 83 and 84: PS You'll never guess what! One of
Page 85 and 86: Tim To: Tim Grabowski From: Nadine
Page 87 and 88: Friend Tim: Likewise, I'm sure. Our
Page 89 and 90: Subject: Miss Fuller Dearest John,
Page 91 and 92: To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent >
Page 93 and 94: PS We're out of Cheerios. Can you p
Page 95 and 96: To: Mel Fuller From: Aaron Spender
Page 97 and 98: ecipe for crab-stuffed flounder. I
Page 99 and 100: From: Mel Fuller Subject: My Last
Page 101 and 102: my sheets, which are sticky now, bu
Page 103: as far as I could tell. I mean, the
Page 107 and 108: To: Mel Fuller From: Nadine Wilcoc
Page 111 and 112: knocked a little while ago, but you
Page 113 and 114: IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU??
Page 115 and 116: LOVE, BRITTANY AND ASHLEY To: John
Page 117 and 118: To: David J. Belew From: John Tren
Page 119 and 120: Okay, I know it's been a long time
Page 121 and 122: hours. She never goes twenty-four h
Page 123 and 124: Tim To: Nadine Wilcock From: Georg
Page 125 and 126: To:Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fuller
Page 127 and 128: I just don't understand what a guy
Page 129 and 130: To: Mel Fuller From: George Sanche
Page 131 and 132: Now, we can't really tell if any of
Page 133 and 134: Anyway, she's wracked all my credit
Page 135 and 136: was just lovely, and Donny looked s
Page 137 and 138: ight? Did you tell her it was too l
Page 139 and 140: To: Dolly Vargas From: Mel Fuller
Page 141 and 142: To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
Page 143 and 144: To: Sebastian Leandro From: Max Fr
Page 147 and 148: To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
Page 149 and 150: Subject: Well, this is it We're lea
Page 151: that means it’s time for WORKING?
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To: Mel Fuller From: jerrylives@fr
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To: John Trent From: Stacy Trent
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To: jerrylives@freemail.com From:Me
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stalls.... Go in there and tell her
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security desk, trying to get signed
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To: Mel Fuller From: Dolly Vargas
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pursue a restraining order against
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Something has got to be done about
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could do for all the advice she's g
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think we should just print a big bl
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To: John Trent From: Michael Evere
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If Trent doesn't sue the pants off
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From: Sergeant Paul Reese Subject:
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Nadine Wilcock From: Mel Fulle
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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To: John Trent From: Mel Fuller S
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To: Max Friedlander From: Sebastia
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anyway. And what do you think happe
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I would be honored to go to lunch w
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I just spoke with John. He is so do
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whole thing with John has sent you
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Geez, calm down, will you? Max isn'
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To: Tony Salerno From: Nadine Wilc
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Tim Grabowski ; George Sanchez Fro
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From: Mel Fuller Subject: Lunch Oh
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To: George Sanchez From: Mel Fulle
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From: Genevieve Randolph Trent Sub
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But Nadine, I do now, I really beli
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To: Mel Fuller From: Max Friedland
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Don't try to tell me she won't, eit
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Um, I think she had to do some rese
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Max: Don't you know it. Then she ha
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"The perpetrator wished to throw in
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To: Mel Fuller From: Vivica@sophis
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To: Mel Fuller From: John Trent S
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