Being Jewish in a Secular World Skit - Camp Ramah

Being Jewish in a Secular World Skit
Script – Being a Jewish Teen in North America
Characters: ADAM Goldstein (Jewish guy, plays wide receiver)
STEVE (A lineman)
COACH Jones (Coach of the football team)
ANDY Cohen (the Jewish quarterback)
RACHIE, and SARAH (Cheerleaders)
LOUISE (Adam's Mother)
DAVID (Adam's Father)
JUDGE Michelle Weiner
PROSECUTING ATTORNEY Greenberg
DEFENSE Attorney Ross
BAILIFF
Props: Football Jerseys (or other sport jerseys)
Gavel
Scene I: PRACTICE FOR
THE COUGARS FOOTBALL TEAM
COACH: Come on, you lazy bums! Get those knees up! You! Schwartz! Move it!
STEVE: I'm trying, Coach. I swear, I'm trying!
COACH: Try harder, Berger!
COACH: All right, everyone! Listen good. We're gonna run a blue-twenty three sweep to the post.
(The team sets up to run a play. Andy is quarterback.)
COACH: Cohen! You call the play!
ANDY: Blue-32. . Blue-32...hut...HUT!
(STEVE hikes the ball to Andy; Adam runs downfield; Andy throws the ball; Adam leaps and
catches it.)
COACH: Great catch, Goldstein! Great catch! Did you boys see that leap? Show us that leap again,
Goldstein.
(ADAM demonstrates his fantastic leap, and the team applauds.)
CHEERLEADERS: Goldstein, Goldstein, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!
COACH: You boys see that? Here's a guy who knows what it means to give 110 percent. Now, we got a
tough week ahead of us, boys. We're playing the Black Cats this Friday afternoon, and they're rough!
These guys beat your tails off last year in the semis, and it was gosh-darn embarrassing! So we gotta
work hard this week, right?
TEAM: Right.

COACH: Right?! ! !
TEAM: Right, Coach!!!
COACH: Good. Now hit the showers. Goldstein! Front and center!
ADAM: Yes, Coach.
COACH: I'm gonna level with you, Adam. We're gonna win this game if we make the big plays-it's that
simple. And 99 percent of the time, it's gonna come down to you. You're the best wide receiver to come
through this program in a lotta years, Goldstein. I'm counting on you to lead us to victory. Am I making
sense to you?
ADAM: Yes, Coach.
COACH: Once we step onto that field, you're the leader. You lead, and the rest of the team will follow.
You hear me?
ADAM: I'm with you, Coach.
COACH: Good. Now hit the showers, and I'll see you tomorrow after school.
MOTHER: ADAM, is that you?
Scene 2: THE GOLDSTEIN HOUSEHOLD
ADAM: Yeah, Mom. Sorry I'm late. Practice went long today.
MOTHER: Practice went long? You should have called! I'm sitting here worrying! "Maybe he's sick!
Maybe my boy got kidnapped!" Please, please call me when you're gonna be late.
ADAM: Sorry, Ma.
FATHER: How was practice, Son?
ADAM: It was good, Pop. We're playing the BlackCats Friday afternoon, and COACH says a lot of it is
gonna come down to how I play.
FATHER: That's my boy! Always the leader!
ADAM: You'll be there, Pop?
FATHER: Will I be there? Have I ever missed one of your games? Two o'clock sharp, this Friday.
MOTHER: And remember, Adam, the Lefkowitzes are coming over for Shabbat dinner Friday night. I
want you home by sundown, Adam.
ADAM: The game will be over by four o'clock, Mom!
FATHER: ADAM! Watch your tone of voice when you're taking to your MOTHER!
MOTHER: I'm not trying to nag you, Sweetie. But Josh Lefkowitz is coming home Flint, Michigan this
weekend, and he'll be here for Shabbat. I want him to talk to you about college.

ADAM: Mom, you know I've never missed a Shabbat dinner. I'll be there.
Scene 3: PRACTICE THE NEXT AFTERNOON
COACH: Cohen! I want to see more pop on the ball! And Schwartz! Move your lazy bum downfield and
block, for crying out loud!
STEVE: I'm trying, Coach. I swear, I'm trying.
COACH: Trying, shmying. Bunch of lazy bums, you are. All right boys, circle up.
(The team runs in and circles up around the Coach.)
COACH: Listen up, boys - there's been a slight change in plans. This Friday we're gonna play a Junior
Varsity game at two o'clock in the afternoon, and we're gonna move the Varsity game to the evening.
That means all of you boys are playing Friday night at eight o'clock, under the lights. This is big time,
boys! The stadium is gonna be packed, and that means it's gonna be humiliating if you guys get your
little asses whipped out there. Anyone got a problem with playing Friday night?
ADAM: Ah, Coach, I might, uh...
COACH: Oh, Goldstein! You're kidding me! You're not gonna bail out on me, are ya?
ADAM: Well, I-
COACH: Are ya?
Scene 4: THE TRIAL
BAILIFF: All rise. The honorable Michelle Weiner presiding.
(The JUDGE enters.)
BAILIFF: We now commence the hearing of case number 613: The American Jewish Community versus
Adam Goldstein.
JUDGE: Will the defendant please rise.
(ADAM rises.)
JUDGE: the Jewish community hereby charges you, Adam Goldstein, with contributing to the downfall of
the Jewish People. By playing in a game on Friday night and missing Shabbat dinner, you would be
ignoring the traditions of your people and the ways of your family. How do you plead, Mr. Goldstein?
ADAM: Not guilty, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Thank you. PROSECUTION, please present your opening statement.
PROSECUTION: Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury.. . I ask you to obey the facts of this case. Fact
number one: Adam Goldstein is a Jew. Fact number two: The North American Jewish community is
becoming smaller and weaker as more and more Jews become assimilated. Fact number three: If Adam
Goldstein chooses to play in the football game this Friday night, he will be going against the wishes of

his parents; he will be going against the traditions of the Jewish people; and, consequently, he will be a
contributor to the weakening of the Jewish people. For these reasons, Adam must not be allowed to
play in the game on Friday night.
JUDGE: Will the DEFENSE please present its opening statement?
DEFENSE: Your Honor.. .my client is an intelligent All-American teenage boy. He is a hard worker, a
tremendous athlete, and, yes, he is also a Jew. The prosecution would like you to believe that Adam is
responsible for carrying on the traditions of the Jewish people. The fact is, Adam is just an innocent
teenager living in America. His parents chose to raise him in a secular community. His parents chose to
send him to public school. Can Adam be blamed when he chooses to take part in society like any other
teenager? In fact, Adam should be praised, because it is only when people like Adam immerse
themselves in society that Jews can flourish in the larger world. Would Steven Spielberg be where he is
today if he stayed home on Shabbat? Would Alan Greenspan, arguably the most powerful man in the
world, and a Jew, be where he is today if he followed every Jewish law? We as Jews can advance in the
world only by moving away from our traditions and immersing ourselves in the society around us. For
this reason, Mr. Goldstein should be encouraged to play this Friday night.
JUDGE: PROSECUTION, call your first witness.
PROSECUTION: The PROSECUTION wishes to call Mr. Ronald Goldstein, the father of the defendant.
BAILIFF: Do you affirm to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Gd?
FATHER: I do.
PROSECUTION: Mr. Goldstein, where did your son attend school as a boy?
FATHER: He attended Solomon Schechter Day School.
PROSECUTION: And how often did your family attend synagogue, Mr. Goldstein?
FATHER: We attended synagogue every Saturday morning and on all holidays.
PROSECUTION: Do you follow the dietary laws?
FATHER: Yes, we do. We eat only kosher food, both in the house, and out.
PROSECUTION: For how long has your family shared the Friday night Shabbat meal together, Mr.
Goldstein?
FATHER: We've had Shabbat dinner together ever since Adam was a baby. I traveled often, and
between Adam's sports practices and my wife's work, Friday night was the only night we could be sure
that everyone would be together.
PROSECUTION: It seems fairly clear to me that you've raised your son in a Jewish home, ever since
he was a little boy. Is that not correct, Mr. Goldstein?
FATHER: That is correct.
PROSECUTION: So you have done your part to raise Adam as a responsible Jew.
FATHER: Yes, I have.

PROSECUTION: So any desire by Adam to play in a game on Friday night would indicate a disregard
on his part for his upbringing.
FATHER: That's correct. I don't know who he thinks he is to forget about his Jewish heritage all of a
sudden.
PROSECUTION: No further questions, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Cross-examination.
DEFENSE: Mr. Goldstein, after Adam finished his studies at Solomon Schechter, where did he attend
high school?
FATHER: He attended Evanston High School.
DEFENSE: A public school, correct?
FATHER: That is correct.
DEFENSE: And isn't it logical to assume that by allowing your son to attend public school, it was only
natural that he would want to participate in school activities just like any other kid his age?
FATHER: That might have happened if Adam had no Jewish upbringing. But we were careful to raise
Adam with a strong Jewish identity. There's no excuse for his not continuing to respect the ways of our
family and our people.
DEFENSE: You mentioned you sometimes travel, Mr. Goldstein. Is that for business?
FATHER: Yes, it is.
DEFENSE: And were there ever times when you were away on Shabbat?
FATHER: Yes, there were.
DEFENSE: So, you yourself did not always observe the Sabbath?
PROSECUTION: Objection! Leading on the witness!
JUDGE: Overruled. I want to see where you're going with this counselor.
FATHER: Whenever I traveled, I observed the Sabbath. I never spent any money or conducted any
business on the Sabbath, whether at home or away.
DEFENSE: But, by being away from your family on the Sabbath, you demonstrated that there are
things that are more important than family on Shabbat. Is that not so, Mr. Goldstein?
FATHER: I never intended to send that message.
DEFENSE: No further questions, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Will the Defense please call its witness?

DEFENSE: The Defense would like to call Mr. Andy Cohen.
BAILIFF: Do you affirm?
ANDY: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
DEFENSE: Mr. Cohen.. .what is your relationship with the defendant?
ANDY: I am the defendant's best friend. I also play on the high school football team with the defendant.
DEFENSE: Are you also a Jew, Mr. Cohen?
ANDY: I am.
DEFENSE: And yet, you have no problem playing football on Friday nights, is that correct?
ANDY: That is correct.
DEFENSE: Mr. Cohen. How many of your friends are Jewish?
ANDY: Most of them.
DEFENSE: And all of them regularly go out on Friday night as well?
ANDY: Yes, we do. And I don't understand why ADAM shouldn't be able to go out, too. I mean, his best
friends are all Jewish, and Frey go out on Friday night.. .why can't he?
DEFENSE: No further questions, your honor.
JUDGE: Cross-examination.
PROSECUTION: Mr. Cohen.. . Did you ever attend Jewish Day School?
ANDY: No, I did not.
PROSECUTION: And how about Jewish summer camp? Did you ever go to one of those?
ANDY: No.
PROSECUTION: Have you ever gone to religious day school?
ANDY: No.
PROSECUTION: Does your family keep kosher?
ANDY: No.
PROSECUTION: Does your family observe the Sabbath?
ANDY: We sometimes have Shabbat dinner, but.....
PROSECUTION: Just answer the question, Mr. Cohen!
ANDY: No.. .we do not observe the Sabbath.
PROSECUTION: Andy. . have you ever had Shabbat dinner at Adam Goldstein's house?
ANDY: Yes, I have.
PROSECUTION: And how did you feel about it?

ANDY: At first... it was strange. I didn't understand a lot of the blessings and customs. But as the night
went on, I began to really like it. Adam’s whole family was there, and it was really nice. My whole
family almost never spends time together. And it was very happy, with lots of singing.. .I almost
wished....
PROSECUTION: Almost wished what, Mr. Cohen?
ANDY: I.. .almost wished.. .that.. .that...
(ANDY breaks down crying.)
PROSECUTION: You almost wished that your family had Shabbat dinner like the Goldsteins... is that
correct, Mr. Cohen?
ANDY: That is correct.
DEFENSE: Objection! What is the point, Your Honor?
PROSECUTION: The point is that Andy Cohen goes on Friday night because he never had Shabbat
dinner in his family. But if he did, I wonder if he would make the same decisions he does now. (Pause).
Nor further questions.
JUDGE: Defense. Please call your final witness.
DEFENSE: The Defense wishes to call…. the Defendant, Mr. Adam Goldstein.
BAILIFF: Don't lie.
ADAM: Okay.
DEFENSE: Mr. Goldstein.. . do you consider yourself a good Jew?
ADAM: I do.
DEFENSE: And do you, Mr. Goldstein, consider yourself a good son?
ADAM: I do.
DEFENSE: Your father seems to think you care nothing for the traditions of your people.
ADAM: He's wrong. I care very much.
DEFENSE: Do you attend synagogue regularly, Adam?
ADAM: I do.
DEFENSE: And do you intend to marry a Jewish woman, when the time is right.
ADAM: I certainly do.
DEFENSE: You’re a very committed and intelligent young man, Adam. I have no farther questions,
Your Honor.

JUDGE: Prosecution.. .you may cross examine the witness.
PROSECUTION: Mr. Goldstein.. .you yourself claimed just one minute ago that you are a good Jew, did
you not?
ADAM: I absolutely did.
PROSECUTION: And yet, you have the nerve, the audacity, the chutzpah to also claim that you intend
to play in a football game on Shabbat. How can that be?
ADAM: Actually.. .I never said I wanted to play in a game on Shabbat.
PROSECUTION: What? Objection!
JUDGE: You can't object! He's your witness!
PROSECUTION: Oh...go on.
ADAM: The truth is.. .I don't really want to be away from my family on Shabbat. But I also don't want to
miss this game, because I'm one of the leaders of the team and I love playing football. The best way to
explain it is... I feel trapped. I'm caught in a situation I don't really want to be in. And I'd like to leave it
up to the jury to decide.
JUDGE: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: This is the end of our trial. It is now time for you to deliberate
and bring in your verdict.