frasier - eight - 1.pdf

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NILES: Oh no, actually this is wonderful news. She called. She said my days of playing the devoted husband are coming to an end. Frasier, I think my wife is finally going to dump me. FRASIER: Oh, and they said it would last. You know, actually, I'm celebrating an event myself. You see, I've just become... a mentor. NILES: Good for you, Frasier, helping the unprivileged. FRASIER: Actually, he's a billionaire. NILES: Ah, the forgotten minority. FRASIER: It's the new station owner. NILES: Oh, for heaven's sake, you're mentoring your boss? How did you flatter your way into that job? FRASIER: Well, Niles, I didn't. The boy practically begged me. I mean, he got rich overnight, and he's hardly had time to shed his fraternity house ways. NILES: Sounds like an enormous project. FRASIER: Well, I am a teacher at heart, after all. You know, last night I took him to Le Café du Peridee, to practice sending back wine. Excuse me. (answers phone) Hello? Todd, yes, we were just talking about you! No, never French cuffs with a button-down collar. (into phone) The long collar, yes. What sort of stripes? Don't move, I'll be right down there! (hangs up) I have to go. Ah, Mel. NILES: Mel, hello. Well, I gather things are coming to an end. Thank you for being true to your word. MEL: No, thank you for doing such a good job in Phase One. Niles, it occurred to me that if we end things now, people will wonder why - when, you know, we've been so happy. So I've decided that it's not so much that I'm going to leave you, as you're going to drive me away. NILES: How? MEL: Through a series of staged events, in which you will thoroughly humiliate yourself by playing the part of a complete ass! For instance, this weekend we're going to the opera… NILES: I see. So you want me to hog the opera glasses and remain seated during the ovation, something of that nature? Well, I suppose I could manage it. MEL: No, not quite. At the intermission, invariably some board member will come over to say hello, and I want you to fly into a jealous rage and throw a drink at him! NILES: That is unthinkable! I have a reputation in this town and nothing will make me behave that way! MEL: Looks like we're going to be married for a long time.
Apartment. Night. Frasier opens the door to Roz and Kenny. FRASIER: Oh, what are you two doing here? Todd's apartment's one floor down. ROZ: We know. But why walk into his housewarming alone when we can go in with his idol? FRASIER: Oh please, I'm hardly his idol. I'm a paragon at best. KENNY: What's that? FRASIER: Oh, just a little something that Todd admired when he was over. KENNY: I didn't know we were supposed to bring gifts! Oh, now I'm screwed! I am so fired. God, why did I give my wife the go-ahead for that above-ground pool? ROZ: Better calm down, Kenny. I gave you my last pair of dress shields. FRASIER: Now, remember that Todd has had people working round the clock, transforming his apartment into his vision of style and taste. And no matter how primitive we may think it is, it's best to be kind. We don't want to stifle his budding creativity. ROZ: You also don't want to stifle that fat syndication deal he's putting together for you. TODD: Hey guys, come on in! Todd has duplicated Frasier's apartment exactly. Café Nervosa. Niles is at table. Frasier comes in and joins him. FRASIER: Hello, Niles. Say, if memory serves, you went to the opera with Mel last night. So, did you cause a public spectacle? I didn't read anything in the society pages. NILES: No, well, it didn't go exactly as I expected. At intermission I got my drink and waited for someone to approach Mel. And finally someone did. Founder's Circle stalwart Ace Linneur. I coiled, panther-like, ready to fling my drink on his shirtfront, when I noticed he was wearing that wool crepe hand-tailored tuxedo of his. Well, I couldn't raise my hand against such a magnificent garment. FRASIER: Niles, that tux is a blend and you know it. NILES: Yes, of course I know it! Frasier, I just couldn't do it! That kind of loutish behavior, it's just not in my nature. FRASIER: Of course, Niles, that goes without saying. Just remember for whom you're doing all this. NILES: Believe me, Daphne is the only thing that is keeping me going through all of this. Tonight I'm supposed to
Page 1 and 2: FRASIER SEASON EIGHT PART 1 And the
Page 3 and 4: NILES: Maybe we should just... DAPH
Page 5 and 6: MARTIN: All right, I give up! Try t
Page 7 and 8: NILES: Well, you won't believe this
Page 9 and 10: FRASIER: Tell me about it. NILES: N
Page 11 and 12: he's now suing me as well for the p
Page 13 and 14: The bar, where Frasier is talking t
Page 15 and 16: DAPHNE: I hate the way this is star
Page 17 and 18: DAPHNE: Hope he didn't use the mayo
Page 19 and 20: NILES: Would you like to dance? DAP
Page 21 and 22: Frasier sits down beside Miranda--c
Page 23 and 24: FRASIER: Exactly what chapter would
Page 25 and 26: Apartment. Night. Frasier opens the
Page 27 and 28: Miranda told me you filled out an a
Page 29 and 30: The Great Crane Robbery KACL. Frasi
Page 31: FRASIER: Whatever gets you out of t
Page 35 and 36: Chez Henri. Niles and Mel are with

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