1928 - Monroe County Library System

Central Library of Rochester and Monroe County · Yearbook Collection
RED LIGHT GRAPHIC, JUNE 7, 1928
Prof.Hubie Finds Darwin Right
Missing Link Is Clue
To Mystery of the
Dizzy Centuries
KALAMAZOO (Special Wire)—Conclusive
evidence that Darwin was right ha
been discovered today by Professor Hubie
Bitter of the Landsdale School for Effeminate
Women. While strolling through the woods
in the neighborhood of the school, Professor
Bitter suddenly perceived a human being
swinging from branch to branch high u{
among the trees.
"Aha," ejaculated Professor Bitter, "this
undoubtedly must be the Ehzalsixntihgn
specimen of the prehistoric period of fungarlity
growth which is common to the Neanderathal
personification of highgly undeveloped tomato
herrings." In other words, the professor was
delighted with finding the Missing Link.
The link that brings two civilizations together
is one of the finest specimens yet
discovered. It is the exact image of a Xlort,
yet it has features common to the human
being.
When the professor bagged the Missing
Link, it was gurgling in a snorting soprano,
"The key, the key, whiskey, oh give me the
key."
Immediately, the professor busied himself
with experiments. So he sang, "My Bonny Lies
Over the Ocean" to the Missing Link. The
Link playfully bit a chunk of meat out of the
professor's leg, but the professor was so absentminded
that he thought his garter broke.
After singing two verses of that ballad, the
Missing Link came in on the chorus, but it
insisted on taking friendly bites out of the
professor. "This was to show his affection,"
tin- professor remarked.
In regards to the future of the Missing
Link, contracts from all over the world have
poured in. The Link is trying to decide whether
to go into the movies or talk over the radio,
and there is strong possibility that the Link
will go on a lecture tour.
LINK—Look fast, folks, here
is Owie Owie, the only missing
link in captivity. In a scientific
test of the four leading brands
of Pepoxids, Owie Owie selected
Kisterine as the best while
blindfolded.
SPACE
for
RENT
Apply Inside
Tabloid News
Little details in the days
news that may have
escaped you
(By L T nion Pressers)
Hong Kong—The United Brotherhood of
Ping Pong Launderers voted today to raise
the rates of washing. Everybody received the
news with happiness, including the Launderers.
New York—President Coolidge made a
speech today. It's too long for this paper to
report.
Fairport—Mayor Hess today announced
that hereafter all residents will have to be in
bed by 8:30 P. M. (postmaster's time).
New Haven—Herb Heesch today was
signed up by the Schaffer Pretzel works to
pose as a model for their advertisements.
Heesch will get a three year contract.
Nile—Hula Hula Cafe will have a new
attraction next week, when the popular Gilda
Grey of the Nile, Dot Corn, will have the big
spot on the cafe program.
Pottsdam—Margie Munce was elected
president of the Kisterine Corporation this
morning. She is the first woman to hold such
an important position in this mammoth
•oncern.
Hail to the Champion
\fter a hard eleven hour match, Clarence
Neuse of San Antonio defeated John Roemer
of Fishtown for the North and South Open
I!hess Championship here today. Neuse was
veak in the beginning, but came back strong
n the last four chukkers.
Koemer started in well, but became disconcerted
when Neuse coughed three hours and
hirteen minutes after the start of the match,
le foolishly moved a pawn, and from then
>n weakened rapidly.
Neuse astounded the spectators in the
ourth inning by suddenly capturing Roemer's