the Equinox - The Hermetic Library

the Equinox - The Hermetic Library the Equinox - The Hermetic Library

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246 THE EQUINOX I had now almost come to the conclusion that I was absolutely unsusceptible of the hasheesh influence. Without any expectation that this last experiment would be more successful than the former ones, and indeed with no realisation of the manner in which the drug affected those who did make the experiment successfully, I went to pass the evening at the house of an intimate friend. In music and conversation the time passed pleasantly. The clock struck ten, reminding me that three hours had elapsed since the dose was taken, and as yet not an unusual symptom had appeared. I was provoked to think that this trial was as fruitless as its predecessors. Ha! what means this sudden thrill? A shock, as of some unimagined vital force, shoots without warning through my entire frame, leaping to my fingers' ends, piercing my brain, startling me till I almost spring from my chair. I could not doubt it. I was in the power of the hasheesh influence. My first emotion was one of uncontrollable terror—a sense of getting something which I had not bargained for. That moment I would have given all I had or hoped to have to be as I was three hours before. No pain anywhere—not a twinge in any fibre—yet a cloud of unutterable strangeness was settling upon me, and wrapping me impenetrably in from all that was natural or familiar. As I heard once more the alien and unreal tones of my own voice, I became convinced that it was some one else who spoke, and in another world. I sat and listened; still the voice kept speaking. Now for the first time I experienced that vast change which hasheesh makes in all measurements of time. The first world of the reply occupied a period sufficient

THE HASHEESH EATER for the action of a drama; the last left me in complete ignorance of any point far enough back in the past to date the commencement of the sentence. Its enunciation might have occupied years. I was not in the same life which had held me when I heard it begun. And now, with time, space expanded also. At my friend's house one particular arm-chair was always reserved for me. I was sitting in it at a distance of hardly three feet from the centre table around which the members of the family were grouped. Rapidly that distance widened. The whole atmosphere seemed ductile, and spun endlessly out into great spaces surrounding me on every side. We were in a vast hall, of which my friends and I occupied opposite extremities. The ceiling and the walls ran upward with a gliding motion as if vivified by a sudden force of resistless growth. Oh! I could not bear it. I should soon be left alone in the midst of an infinity of space. And now more and more every moment increased the conviction that I was watched. I did not know then, as I learned afterward, that suspicion of all earthly things and persons was the characteristic of the hasheesh delirium. In the midst of my complicated hallucination, I could perceive that I had a dual existence. One portion of me was whirled unresistingly along the track of this tremendous experience, the other sat looking down fro a height upon its double, observing, reasoning, and serenely weighting all the phenomena. This calmer being suffered with the other by sympathy, but did not lose its self-possession. The servant had not come. 247

THE HASHEESH EATER<br />

for <strong>the</strong> action of a drama; <strong>the</strong> last left me in complete<br />

ignorance of any point far enough back in <strong>the</strong> past to date <strong>the</strong><br />

commencement of <strong>the</strong> sentence. Its enunciation might have<br />

occupied years. I was not in <strong>the</strong> same life which had held me<br />

when I heard it begun.<br />

And now, with time, space expanded also. At my friend's<br />

house one particular arm-chair was always reserved for me. I<br />

was sitting in it at a distance of hardly three feet from <strong>the</strong><br />

centre table around which <strong>the</strong> members of <strong>the</strong> family were<br />

grouped. Rapidly that distance widened. <strong>The</strong> whole<br />

atmosphere seemed ductile, and spun endlessly out into great<br />

spaces surrounding me on every side. We were in a vast hall,<br />

of which my friends and I occupied opposite extremities. <strong>The</strong><br />

ceiling and <strong>the</strong> walls ran upward with a gliding motion as if<br />

vivified by a sudden force of resistless growth.<br />

Oh! I could not bear it. I should soon be left alone in <strong>the</strong><br />

midst of an infinity of space. And now more and more every<br />

moment increased <strong>the</strong> conviction that I was watched. I did<br />

not know <strong>the</strong>n, as I learned afterward, that suspicion of all<br />

earthly things and persons was <strong>the</strong> characteristic of <strong>the</strong><br />

hasheesh delirium.<br />

In <strong>the</strong> midst of my complicated hallucination, I could<br />

perceive that I had a dual existence. One portion of me was<br />

whirled unresistingly along <strong>the</strong> track of this tremendous<br />

experience, <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r sat looking down fro a height upon its<br />

double, observing, reasoning, and serenely weighting all <strong>the</strong><br />

phenomena. This calmer being suffered with <strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r by<br />

sympathy, but did not lose its self-possession.<br />

<strong>The</strong> servant had not come.<br />

247

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