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“Dusseldorf is home to the world’s longest bar, and the place boasts 360 pubs in it’s tiny city square” spend the next three days in Maria Alm, a tiny town in the middle of the Austrian Alps. With three pubs and population of 2000, it was certainly the most unlikely destination for the hard-core pub tour we were cruising on. But that night quality soon overrode quantity when we started drinking from roof-based wooden wagon wheels that dispensed different flavours of schnapps straight into your mouth as it spins. day four Maria Alm’s picturesque streets, timbered houses and gentle little river winding through the centre definitely made it seem like a set out of Lord of the Rings. Stepping out of the hotel, I looked across the village and wondered if I would meet any hobbits that day. The town sure was tiny but after an amazing night I began to have a new appreciation for it…even in my incredibly hung over state. With the Alps towering in every direction, this town was easier on the eye than a Hannah Tan cover shoot. One pub we drank at that day was tucked away half way up the Alps, and the drinking area consisted of a wooden balcony that had a clear view of the whole town. It was difficult to decide whether I liked this drinking hole better than the legendary Dengl Alm down the road that served hot shots of schnapps and drinks by the metre, wooden racks of 10 of your favourite drinks at a time! Hmm…maybe I’ll decide over another beer. day five It would seem that in this wild town, there’s people just waiting to give you shots of schnapps everywhere you go. 10am and rocking up at a rustic old barn on the outskirts the town, there was a hot Austrian chick standing with a tray of schnapps for everyone on tour to enjoy. We called it the “Austrian breakfast for champions”, and downed them two at a time. We were then told we were about to trek up a mountain to drink at 4,000ft above sea level. I was dreading the No prizes for the first person to look at the large beer glasses, then the buxom beauties, before declaring “Nice jugs!’ 104 01/11 fhm.com.my fhm.com.my 01/11 105 p u b c r a w l combination of schnapps and a long hike up until the transport arrived. It was then I began to think that maybe a relaxing walk wasn’t such a bad idea. Transport up the Austrian Alps was far different to the five-star coach we were rolling in earlier. Instead, we drove up the Alps on loosely-strungtogether farm equipment that had all the luxury and safety features of a homemade third world convertible. Safety first kids. 4,000ft later and we were stepping on a private residence worth around RM25million. Alpine boozing has never been better as we sat on the roof drinking and soaking up the warm sun and crispy fresh air that made our cold beers taste that much better. The view was absolutely breathtaking, and well worth the potentially life threatening ride up. All that was missing was a barbecue and some good music. Maybe next year.
day six A few days of drinking with the locals in Maria Alm and we were back off to the big city. Thankful that we were back to travelling on the five-star coach the crew jumped on and headed straight to the bar at the back. Seven hours’ worth of beers later and we were jumping off at Europe’s party capital, Prague in the Czech Republic, where the Absinthe is almost as abundant as water. Drinking all day by bus seemed like a great idea at the time, but by night time, we were all completely goosed. The tour group met up in the lobby, completely unprepared for night that was in store for us. I’m not sure if it was just an awesome night, or if it had something to do with all the complementary shots of Absinthe we got at the first pub, but every drinking joint along this pub tour was like a dream come true. One club that really stood out was seven storeys tall, with every floor packed full of bars, dance floors and Eastern European hotties. day seven Day seven and I was struggling. Although the absinthe is almost as abundant as water here – it certainly does not have the same hydrating effect. Claire, the bubbly 19 yearold girl I was twin sharing with woke me and I was devastated to hear that breakfast had just finished. It looked like we were going to have to step out into the blinding sunlight if we were going to have anything to eat. On the journey to find the best anti-hangover meal of all time, we passed at least five casinos and about eight bars. The folks in Prague sure have their priorities right, it seemed that there were casinos and bars on just about every corner. We even stumbled past some inside the shopping centres. Just when I thought I’d seen it all and experienced every possible degree of hangover, we rocked up at pub called the Beer Factory. It was any beer lover’s heaven, with beer taps at every table, making you your very own bartender. No time wasted standing over a bar ordering drinks and absolutely no one to cut you off. If you head here though, you better make sure your drinking stamina is up to scratch, because each table’s progress is displayed on several big screens around the pub – listing every table’s consumption from hardest to weakest. Survival Tip #1: Protect your tap from thieving mates. day eight Prague sure is one big city to handle. It was my third day here and I hadn’t made it to a single breakfast. No thanks to the raging hangovers that seemed to come hand in hand with Prague. Utterly exhausted by Prague’s explosive night life, my mate and I decided to venture out during the day and see what (other than great beer and ample absinthe) the incredible city had to offer. Even with a throbbing headache and 104 01/11 fhm.com.my squinty eyes, Prague’s beautiful buildings were breathtaking. We even trekked as far as the Prague castle, which is even older than Picasso’s mum and also one of the biggest castles in the world. There was even a little bar just outside the castle that served refreshing beers for those who preferred sightseeing through the bottom of their glasses. That night the tour was taken to what the tour guide referred to as the “coolest Hell on Earth”. Harley’s Bar is the only true rock bar in Prague and it’s rougher than the dodgy transport back in Maria Alm. With two bars piping out the liquids, you’ll never have to wait more than a minute for a drink and the entire interior is dedicated to motorcycle history and features an awesome Jack Daniel’s Bar. day nine – bamberg This traditional small town has a real gothic vibe to it, I half expected to bump into the cast out of Twilight. But don’t let the lack of hot vampires disappoint you; Bamberg is also famous for having the world’s largest amount of breweries per capita, and that’s one hell of a lot of beer. If you’re feeling brave, make sure you try their famous smoked beer, a dark ale that tastes suspiciously like the result of smoked pork and a blender. But hey, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried everything (at least) once. After a few smoked beers, the German pubs were proving to be too much, and so the tour moved on to booze houses that were more Irish than a Leprechaun bathing in a tub of Guinness. day ten – bamberg If you’re yet to buy a round on your trip, save it for Bamberg. There’s a Mexican joint here that fhm.com.my hot girls, cold beers and, er, nice cathedrals. What more could a fella ask for? dishes up beers for only one Euro all night long. Don’t be fooled by the peaceful ambiance of Bamberg. In this small town nothing is quite what it seems. This seemingly tame Mexican restaurant is not a venue anyone in their right mind would want to just walk past. Once it hits nightfall, the house music starts pumping and the locals start rolling in. I was amazed when the friendly staff started clearing the tables for everyone to dance on. Everyone on tour was completely baffled by the sudden crazy atmosphere and dance floor that you could barely squeeze through, but no one was complaining. This was one party that everyone was glad didn’t stop until the early hours of the morning. day eleven – dusseldorf Rolling into the last city on tour, I was pretty excited. All I knew was that Dusseldorf was home to the world’s longest bar, boasting over 360 pubs within its tiny old town square. With pubs and bars cranking everything from live-rock music to bass pumping discos, this wild town had drinking holes that catered to just about everyone’s preferences. In fact you could even say that the town square from endto-end, was just one massive orgy of pub crawling heaven. Glad that every pub was within staggering distance of one other, the tour group had no problem venturing from pub to pub. And on a completely different note, did I mention that the girls here are more smoking hot than the porkflavoured ale in Bamberg? Maybe that explains why a third of the bars here are conveniently equipped with stripper poles. Our tour group of 25 absolutely dominated every bar it entered, with one pub’s house band even responding to our “AC/DC” chants with the ringing of Hell’s Bells. p u b c r a w l day twelve – the end is nigh By time we’d been through the last destination of the tour I began to understand what the tour itinerary had meant when I read “Go big or go home”. It wasn’t about the endless amounts of bars visited or how much beer you could drink. It was about all those golden moments in between. It was about the time spent sitting on a rooftop, drinking beers and telling jokes with your mates, whilst overlooking the most breathtaking view of the Austrian Alps. It was about the time all the girls got up on stage in Dusseldorf to sing AC/DC’s Thunderstruck. It was about all the little moments shared, that made the whole tour one big, amazing experience, with life-long friendships made that were even bigger. Reckon you can handle it? VisitOktoberfestPubCrawl. com for details of the 2011 Thirsty Swagman tour. The weak need not apply. 01/11 105
Page 1: Words & photos: tash marti p u b c

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