Chapter One - Richard Lewis

"Just shut up and listen, would you."
"Sorry."
"We were living in this development near Bakersfield, and behind our house was
a kind of wasteland, the sort of place where you'd hide a body. My sister Nancy was
scared of the place, just about the only thing she was scared of. Anyway," Tina said, "I
was fifteen and had my first boyfriend. My parents had us on strict curfew, in bed by ten
for me, but one night I snuck out to meet him at a strip mall down the avenue. We didn't
have a big house, and so Nancy and I had to share a bedroom. I thought she was asleep.
But she climbed out the window and followed me and busted me before I got to the mall.
God, the fight we had. She could be such a puritan, you know. She threatened to tell on
me if I didn't go home. So I said fine, we'd go home together and I grabbed her arm and
hauled her off. I said we'd take the shortcut through the scrub brush, to scare her. I was so
angry at her."
Tina fell silent, her fingers plucking at the cushion on her lap.
"I'm listening," Reed said.
"I left her there. God, I was furious. I knew she was scared of the woods, so I
pushed her down onto this rock and told her she had to wait there for half an hour while I
went home and snuck back into bed. She begged me not to leave her, but I said she had to
stay. This was her punishment for following me. She sat down on that rock. She was
frightened, but she was also proud. She was angry right back at me. I was the one who
was breaking our parents' rule, she said. That was Nancy. Maybe if she'd kept begging
me, if she cried, if she looked, you know, just a little bit forlorn, like a little sister should,
I would have relented and walk her back to the house. But she shot daggers at me. She
said she'd stay there all night. She was always so stubborn and self righteous and
maddening—"
Tina's voice caught again. Tears pooled in the corners of her eyes, but she angrily
flicked them away. "Where are these coming from? I've used up all my tears. All that's
left is cracked bottom. Mirrors. Shards."
"I never did cry," Reed said. "How I was raised. Emotional drydock."
"I snuck back into my bedroom. I waited an hour. Then I went back out to look
for her. She wasn't at the rock. I thought she was hiding, to make me even more angry. So
I said, I almost shouted, all right, stay here all night if you want, I'm going to bed.
Whoever took her probably heard me. And later that's all I could think about, that he
heard me yelling angry at her, yelling fine stay here all night, I'm going to bed. And the
next morning, when she never returned, my parents went frantic. They called the cops. It
turned into one of those abducted girl TV things. I lied through my teeth. I told the I'd
heard a puppy crying that night, and Nancy probably snuck over the wall to find it. I
never told the real truth. I was so torn apart. Grief. Guilt."
Tina paused. With one hand, she smoothed out the fingers of the other. "But you
know the worst of it? I was angry. She was missing, it was my fault, and I was angry at
her! If she hadn't followed me. If she hadn't been so stubborn. It was my fault. It was her
fault. Damn me. Damn her. An infinite hall of mirror shards. Still grief and guilt. Still
anger. Anger reflecting the guilt, guilt reflecting the anger. I still get furious with her. I'll
never get over the grief. But I don't have any more tears."
Reed watched as the yoga master struck an impossible pose. "You could try
forgiving her," Reed said. "And then yourself."
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