Crab Orchard Review Vol. 12, No. 2, our

Crab Orchard Review Vol. 12, No. 2, our Crab Orchard Review Vol. 12, No. 2, our

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from which they could beat the wow of their holiness, if not for the fact that they seem more holy not beating it. It must be this declaration of silence, & her son’s imperious pinch, & her hunch that she has become precise & governmental, that makes the mother’s eyes narrow with glory. This, & the way she can almost see you almost literally reaching out to receive the gift of her fleshy ticking boy. 148 ◆ Crab Orchard Review Christopher Matthews

Karyna McGlynn After My Fifth Birthday Party, 1982 My mother and I walk through the wet neon of the pizza palace parking lot—we wear garbage bags and carry stacks of presents draped in clear plastic. It feels somehow dangerous to be awake this late. In the car, my mother unbuttons the top of her jeans. She groans. “I’m never eating again,” she says. She turns the key in the ignition. Her tape picks up mid-strain: the Carpenters’ “Rainy Days and Mondays.” She reaches across my lap, fastens my seat belt, and then, suddenly, she clutches me fast against the flat of her breasts, her moon face pressed to mine; she is all fouled breath and desperation. She shakes me by the shoulders and says, “Oh, god, baby, don’t ever get like Karen Carpenter, okay? Promise me.” I’m ready to promise her anything. “Ok,” I say, nails clenched in a sticky fist. Crab Orchard Review ◆ 149

from which they could beat<br />

the wow of their holiness, if not for the fact<br />

that they seem more holy<br />

not beating it. It must be this declaration<br />

of silence, & her son’s<br />

imperious pinch, & her hunch that she<br />

has become precise<br />

& governmental, that makes the mother’s eyes<br />

narrow with glory.<br />

This, & the way she can almost see you<br />

almost literally<br />

reaching out to receive the gift of her<br />

fleshy ticking boy.<br />

148 ◆ <strong>Crab</strong> <strong>Orchard</strong> <strong>Review</strong><br />

Christopher Matthews

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