Murder at the Pie Auction - Contemporary Drama Service

Murder at the
Pie Auction
A dinner theatre comedy murder
mystery with audience participation
by Michael Druce
Meriwether Publishing Ltd.
Contemporary Drama Service
PO Box 7710 • Colorado Springs, CO 80933-7710

Murder at the
Pie Auction
A dinner theatre comedy murder
mystery with audience participation
by Michael Druce

CAST OF CHARACTERS
(6 women, 4 men, 4 women or men)
Phoebe Muffet — Editor of the local newspaper, in her sixties
Minaret Towers — Phoebe’s best friend, in her sixties
Felicity Hubbard — Pie contest coordinator. She is all
business, in her thirties
Mark Tucker — Felicity’s high-strung assistant, in his thirties
Julia Lyle — Pie baking legend, in her fifties
Eve Simone — The contest’s youngest baker and eager to take
Julia’s place, in her twenties
Roger Marble — Handsome, stylish, and formerly in love with
Eve, in his thirties
Rex Roberts — Actor, in his fifties
Guy Templeton — Pie connoisseur and judge, in his fifties
Bidder #1 — actor planted in the audience to buy the key lime
pie; few lines
Bidder #2 — actor planted in the audience to buy the fried pie
Server #1 — no speaking lines
Server #2 — few lines
Eunice Hammond — the liaison to Felicity until Minaret
“poisoned” her, few lines
PRODUCTION NOTES
Setting
Time — The present
Location — The Mynute Senior Center; Mynute, Alaska
Playing time — Approximately 60 minutes
Synopsis
After years of trying unsuccessfully to persuade Mother Mabel’s
Pie Baking Competition to come to Mynute, Alaska, Phoebe
Muffet and Minaret Towers finally land the big contest when a
Mother Mabel secretary mistakes Mynute for Minot. Without the
media and publicity, the contest is bound to be a disaster. Adding
to the tension is the fact that one of the competitors is writing a
tell-all book that threatens to make everyone else look bad by
exposing petty jealousies, the seamy side of pie baking, and
blackmail. Hours before the contest begins, the pie judge goes
missing and turns up dead during the bidding for the pies baked
–i–

y the contestants. With an ample serving of motive and all
the right ingredients for murder, Murder at the Pie Auction is
the perfect dinner theatre recipe for big laughs, outrageous
characters, and audience participation in a wild pie bidding
free-for-all. A delicious fundraising event.
Props
Julia’s duplicate cherry pie
4 celebrity pies
1 fried pie
A cart for the baked goods
2 safe deposit box keys — one key is for Guy’s pocket and the
other is inside the fried pie
Bag of dough
Newspaper front page with photo of a woman in a straw hat
and yellow dress
Plenty of fake money for the tables — not necessary if play is
presented as a fundraiser
Four ribbons, first through fourth place
The Pies
Of the four pies to be auctioned, one must be a key lime pie and
one must be cherry. The other two pies can be any variety and
the names changed in the script accordingly. All of the pies
should be impressive. Of the four pies, the key lime will be the
only one destroyed. The fried pie should be a commercially
baked pie with the wrapper removed. The safe deposit box key
can be inserted underneath the pie, so it is not visible on the
plate.
The Set
The setting for the play is the dining room of the Mynute
Senior Center, which has been turned into a set for a cooking
show. The set for this show is very simple: a backdrop or flats
with a cooking show set painted on it and perhaps a countertop
in front.
Left is the main entrance to the senior center and right goes to
the kitchen. The cast will be on their feet throughout the entire
show. When appropriate, they may mingle with the audience
members.
Backdrop with kitchen set painted on it.
Counter in front.
–ii–

The Bidding Sequence
The actor who plays Rex Roberts must be able to go off script
and work spontaneously with the audience. There are few
actual lines in this scene, but Rex must be able to work the
room as audience members are encouraged to bid on the
celebrity pies. In the original production, each table was given
approximately $100 dollars in play money in order to involve
the entire audience in the bidding. Each table can only bid up
to the amount they have. Bidding should be in multiples of ten
dollars. The other cast members encourage bidding and react
to the bids. As you might imagine, this scene can be a lot of
fun. If the play is presented as a fundraiser, then the audience
is bidding with their own money.
Pies 2, 3, and 4 can go to any table in the room. The key lime
pie, the first to be auctioned off, must be won by prearranged
BIDDER #1, who will have more money than the rest of the
tables to avoid being outbid. For pies 2, 3, and 4, the winning
table will receive the pie. Rex will ask the actual name of each
bidder.
–iii–

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Scene 1
Morning
(PHOEBE enters, followed by MINARET. As they chat, they organize
the set.)
PHOEBE: This is so exciting, some of the biggest names in pie
making right here in our little town. Finally, we have an
event worth a banner headline.
MINARET: Who knows, The Weekly might even be a complete
sellout this week.
PHOEBE: And if we had a little bit of scandal to go along with it,
The Weekly might even make the national news. I could be up
for a press club award.
MINARET: Who would have thought, Mynute, Alaska, for one
weekend only, the center of the pie baking universe — The
Mother Mabel’s Pie Baking Contest and Auction.
PHOEBE: When I got up this morning, I was so giddy thinking
about today, I almost swallowed my partial.
MINARET: Imagine, me, personal liaison to Mother Mabel’s
second in charge, Felicity Hubbard.
PHOEBE: And quite the envy of everyone, I might add. Meeting
the legendary Julia Lyle almost took my breath away.
MINARET: She is quite the prima donna.
PHOEBE: Oh, by the way, here’s an interesting tidbit I just found
out. I’ve been doing some research. Did you know that Julia
Lyle and Betty Botter went to high school together?
MINARET: (With considerable disinterest) Really?
PHOEBE: It’s such a small world. And to think, Julia Lyle thought
she knew you. Now what made her think that?
MINARET: Posh! You know how it is, you see one fan and you’ve
seen them all. She probably has me confused with someone
else.
PHOEBE: When she wasn’t looking, I had a little taste of her
famous very cherry cherry pie. It was beyond words. No
wonder she’s treated like royalty.
MINARET: (Under her breath) Always has been.
PHOEBE: Did you say she’s a has-been?
MINARET: I didn’t say that. I was agreeing with you that she’s
royalty.
PHOEBE: It’s like having the Queen of England here, only with
personality. And let’s not forget Roger Marble. He’s so
handsome. Does that man make my muffins rise or what? I
can’t wait to get him alone in a kitchen.
MINARET: I wouldn’t hold my breath on that. I’ve heard he’s still
not over his breakup with Eve Simone. Dessert Weekly says
–1–

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she dumped him for another man on the pie circuit.
PHOEBE: No matter. I’ve got a recipe that’ll make his timer go
ding!
MINARET: Speaking of feeling better, how is Eunice Hammond
doing? Is she still in the hospital?
PHOEBE: Yes, I’m afraid so, poor thing.
MINARET: Do they know what it is?
PHOEBE: Silly, everyone knows what a hospital is. (Beat) Oh, you
mean the food poisoning.
MINARET: How on earth did she get food poisoning?
PHOEBE: Believe it or not, she’s blaming you. She said the last
meal she remembered eating was at your house.
MINARET: Why would she say such a thing?
PHOEBE: She says you did it so you could take her place as
personal liaison to Ms. Hubbard.
MINARET: That’s a horrible thing to say. She has always been
jealous of me.
PHOEBE: You know how it is. Pie baking is so cutthroat.
MINARET: Don’t I know that. It’s certainly not for the faint of
heart. Oh, before I forget, here’s that friendship dough you
asked for. (Pulls a bag of dough from her purse.)
PHOEBE: We better put it up right now before it grows and
smothers someone. (Both chuckle.)
MINARET: You just want to see if that gorgeous Mr. Roger Marble
has arrived yet.
PHOEBE: Am I that transparent?
MINARET: Like clear plastic wrap. (After they exit with the friendship
dough, FELICITY and MARK enter.)
MARK: That’s it, the twenty-five cent tour. You’ve seen the entire
town.
FELICITY: In that case, I overpaid by half. It’s worse than my
worst nightmare.
MARK: I think it has sort of a rustic, frontier charm.
FELICITY: My grandmother had a rustic, frontier charm. She was
kidnapped by Indians.
MARK: What happened to her?
FELICITY: The Indians gave her back. Just like this town, the
charm wore off in ten minutes. This place is the gift that
keeps on disappointing. Mark, that secretary of yours is a
moron. I want her fired.
MARK: She has been fired.
FELICITY: Then rehire her and fire her again.
MARK: Felicity, how many times can I apologize? On paper the
names of the two towns look a lot alike.
FELCITY: Not for someone with an education. In real life
–2–

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M-i-n-o-t is Minot, North Dakota, population thirty-six
thousand. M-y-n-u-t-e is Mynute, Alaska, population three
hundred and fifty.
MARK: It was an honest mistake.
FELICITY: Because of that honest mistake, we are hosting a
national pie baking contest in the middle of —
MARK: The wilderness. I get it!
FELICITY: Calling this place the wilderness is an insult to
wastelands everywhere.
MARK: Felicity, I did everything I could. Once the contract was
signed, it couldn’t be undone, not without a hefty
cancellation fee that we couldn’t afford to pay. As it is, we’re
almost broke.
FELICITY: That’s my point, Mark. This is a make-or-break year.
We need events that will keep Mother Mabel on the front
page and increase sales. In less than two months Granny
Goode has come out of nowhere and is making news in New
York, Los Angeles, and Chicago. And where are we? In the
armpit of the world. We need publicity.
MARK: I’m working on it.
FELICITY: In twenty-four hours we’re hosting the finals of
Mother Mabel’s Pie Baking Contest and Auction, and so far
I’ve seen zero publicity. There was no press to greet us,
there’s nothing on the Internet, nothing on the Food
Network, and nothing on the Pie Network. If this contest
doesn’t get any publicity, our sponsors will drop us like hot
potatoes. Mother Mabel will go broke, Granny Goode will be
the new game in town, and you and I will be looking for jobs
elsewhere. If I didn’t know better, I’d say someone is trying
to sabotage us.
MARK: At least we have four of the biggest names in pie baking
lined up.
FELICITY: Three of the biggest names.
MARK: Let’s not count out Betty Botter yet.
FELICITY: If I never see that tart again, it will be too soon. When
that tell-all book of hers is published, it’ll add another level of
tension and anxiety to an already horrible situation. Baking
Rogue will have everyone ducking for cover. That woman has
a decade of knives to sharpen. She’s promising a bombshell
that will blow the lid off the crock-pot, and in this business,
there’s no shortage of crock.
MARK: Hopefully she’ll arrive on the next plane. We need all the
star power we can get.
FELICITY: I wouldn’t count on it. No one’s heard from her in two
weeks. (PHOEBE and MINARET enter without the friendship
–3–

Thank you for reading this
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