red dwarf season three

ed dwarf season three part one small black beetles: the overkill
LISTER: Michelle Fisher. God, she was gorgeous.
RIMMER: How old were you?
LISTER: Just gorgeous. If she'd have wanted, she could
probably have got a job behind the perfume
counter at Lewis', that's how good-looking she
was.
RIMMER: How old were you?
LISTER: She took off all her clothes and just stood there
in front of me, completely naked. I was so excited, I
nearly dropped my skateboard.
RIMMER: Your skateboard? How old were you?
LISTER: Twelve.
RIMMER: Twelve! Twelve years old? You lost your
virginity when you were twelve? Well, you can't have
been a full member of the Golf Club, then.
LISTER: 'Course I wasn't.
RIMMER: You did it on a golf course, and you weren't a
member? You didn't pay any green fees or anything?
LISTER: It was just a place to go.
RIMMER: I used to play golf. I hate people who abuse
the facilities. I hope you raked the sand back nicely
before you left. That'd be a hell of a lie to get into,
wouldn't it? Competition the next day, and your ball
lands in Lister's buttock crevice. You'd need more
than a niblick to get that one out.
LISTER: Are you trying to say I've got a big bum?
RIMMER: Big? It's like two badly-parked Volkswagens. The
only things I ever lost when I was twelve were my
shoes with the compass in the heel and the animal
tracks on the soles. Porky Roebuck threw them in the
septic tank behind the sports ground. I cried for
weeks -- I was wearing them. I never even thought
about sex when I was twelve.
LISTER: Maybe that's because you used to be
Alexander the Great's chief eunuch.
Lister starts tearing pages from the book and throwing
them on to the fire.
RIMMER: What are you doing?
LISTER: There's nothing left to burn.
RIMMER: But not my books! Don't burn the books.
LISTER: There's nothing else left.
RIMMER: But it's obscene. A book is a thing of beauty.
The voice of freedom. It's the essence of civilisation.
LISTER: (reads title) Biggles' Big Adventure.
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