red dwarf season three

ed dwarf season three part one small black beetles: the overkill
kind of cash that opens anybody's legs! The gravel in
his drive came from Buckingham Palace. Dave bought
Buck Palace and had it ground down just to line his
drive. This man has a wad so thick you could use it
to beat whales to death. He calls his home "Xanadu",
not in reference to the movie "Citizen Kane", but in
tribute to the hit single by Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky,
Mick & Tich. But Dave has musical aspirations of his
own. Only last year his first single, "Om", shot to
number one when he personally purchased three
million copies. You'll never be short of an ashtray in
his house. Like many people who appear to have
everything, Dave's life has been tinged with tragedy.
Well actually it hasn't, but we can only hope. Now
onto Dr Bob Porkmann, father of the condom that
calls you back.
RIMMER: Freeze. I've seen enough.
HOLLY: What you gonna do?
RIMMER: I'm going in. I'm going in to rescue him. It's my
duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard!
LISTER'S MANSION.
BUTLER: Mr Lister, sir. What an utter ... delight, it is to
welcome you home.
LISTER: Gilbert, my man. You're looking bad, baby!
In the courtyard is a 50 foot high statue of Lister, in
"toilet position", holding its penis, positioned so that it
can pee into the courtyard fountain.
GILBERT: I am most awfully sorry about the statue,
sir. The contractors still haven't devised a way of
making it urinate champagne into the courtyard,
although I am assured that it will be fully functional
for the royal visit this week.
LISTER: Oh, get outta town! This is gonna slay 'em!
GILBERT: Indeed, sir. I am only just recovering from
the hilarity of the gag myself.
MANSION'S DINING ROOM.
SABRINA: Well, I told daddy today. About us, I mean.
LISTER: And how did the old codger take it?
SABRINA: Not terribly well, actually. He perched
himself on top of his clay pigeon launching machine
and shouted, "Pull!"
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