red dwarf season three

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ed dwarf season three part one small black beetles: the overkill WOMAN: What are you looking for? CAT: A mutant. It's dangerous -- it can turn into anything! WOMAN: Oh, sounds pretty scary! CAT: It is, baby. Believe me. WOMAN: It must take a really brave sort of guy to do this kind of work. CAT: Well, I guess you're right! WOMAN: And smart -- I bet you have to be smart! CAT: Smart? Yeah, you definitely have to be smart. Like I say, it can turn into anything. You gotta have your wits about you all the time -- don't let up for one second, or it'll just creep up on you and blip -- you're dog meat. WOMAN: You know, you're really quite a guy -- brave, smart, handsome... CAT: Oh, you think handsome? WOMAN: Oh, come on. You know, you're probably the best-looking guy I've ever seen. CAT: Well, I wasn't going to be the first to say it. WOMAN: Do you know what I'd really like? I'd really like to make love to a guy like you. CAT: Well, I'm sure I have a window in my schedule somewhere. Let's see ... what are you doing in, say, ten seconds time? WOMAN: Nothing I couldn't cancel. CAT: Hi. I'm the Cat. WOMAN: Hi. I'm the Genetic Mutant. CAT: Glad to know you ... Genny who? RIMMER: It's got him! It's got him! Is he dead? KRYTEN: Unconscious, but, according to the psi scan, he appears to have lost an emotion. RIMMER: Which emotion? KRYTEN: He's lost his vanity! RIMMER: This is your fault, Kryten. We were supposed to stick together. You let the Cat run off alone. He trusted you. Now look at him. KRYTEN: Oh, please... I feel so-- RIMMER: GUILTY?! KRYTEN: Yes. RIMMER: GOOD! THE SLIMY SUCKER PLOPS ONTO KRYTEN'S FOREHEAD, SUCKING THE GUILT FROM KRYTEN. page 20
ed dwarf season three part one small black beetles: the overkill RIMMER: Let's just get Lister and get out of here! KRYTEN: It's got my guilt! I have lost the single emotion which prevents my transgressing the mores, moras, and matters of civilised society. RIMMER: Stop your blithering, Kryten. Come on! Grab the Cat, and let's go! KRYTEN: Oh, screw you, hadron-head! MEDICAL UNIT. RIMMER: Where have you been? Let's go! CAT: I've been getting myself comfortable, man. RIMMER: Come on, Kryten! You're holding us all up! KRYTEN: Ah, who cares? RIMMER: You're going to get us all killed! KRYTEN: So? Oh, look! It's Bonehead's mum. RIMMER: Mother? RIMMER’S MOTHER: Hello, dear! RIMMER: What are you doing? RIMMER’S MOTHER: Well, what does it look like, darling? RIMMER: You've just made love to my mother!? LISTER: Yeah. Do you want to make something of it? HOLLY: It's not your mother, it's the polymorph! RIMMER: You've just had my mum!? RIMMER’S MOTHER: Five times! He was like a wild stallion! KRYTEN: "Very prim, very proper, almost austere!" HOLLY: Don't fall for it, it's trying to make you angry! RIMMER’S MOTHER: Darling, I wish you could have seen him in action. He was like a set of pistons in an ocean liner engine room. RIMMER: I think I'm going to be sick. HOLLY: Don't get angry! That's what it wants! RIMMER: Lister and mother... It's a dream come true. RIMMER’S MOTHER: He's so energetic! I honestly thought my false teeth were going to fall out. RIMMER: How lovely. RIMMER’S MOTHER: The positions he bent me into! RIMMER: Terrific. That sounds enchanting. Well done. RIMMER’S MOTHER: And the things this boy can do with Alphabetti Spaghetti! HOLLY: Cool it, Arnie! page 21
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red dwarf season three

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