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red dwarf season three

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ed <strong>dwarf</strong> <strong>season</strong> <strong>three</strong> part one small black beetles: the overkill<br />

Polymorph<br />

VOICE: This week's "Red Dwarf" contains scenes which<br />

are unsuitable for younger viewers and people of a<br />

nervous disposition. You have been warned.<br />

A POD IS FLOATING THROUGH SPACE. SIGNS ON THE SIDE<br />

READ "GENETIC WASTE" AND "DO NOT OPEN."<br />

VOICE: Danger. Do not attempt to open this pod. The<br />

creature inside is extremely hostile. It feeds off the<br />

human psyche, seeks out the deranged, the<br />

unbalanced and the emotionally crippled.<br />

IN THE OFFICERS' QUARTERS, LISTER IS PREPARING A MEAL.<br />

KRYTEN: I just thought I'd give your quarters a<br />

quick tickle around, sir. I won't take a jiff.<br />

LISTER: Not now, Kryten -- I'm cooking.<br />

KRYTEN ATTACHES THE TUBE TO HIS GROIN AND BEGINS<br />

VACUUMING.<br />

LISTER: I didn't know you could do that!<br />

KRYTEN: Oh yes, I can plug a number of add-ons into<br />

my groinal socket, allowing me to perform virtually<br />

any household task imaginable.<br />

LISTER: Like what?<br />

KRYTEN: Oh, you name it: buzz saw, power drill, hedge<br />

trimmer ... even an egg whisk.<br />

LISTER: What, so you just, like, stick the egg whisk<br />

attachment on the end and you can, like, whip up a<br />

Spanish omelette?<br />

KRYTEN: I certainly can, sir, but it's amazing how few<br />

people are prepa<strong>red</strong> to eat them… Goodness me, I<br />

must have sucked up a penny. I'd better change<br />

the old bag there. Yes, I'll just go and get a fresh one.<br />

CAT: Mmm! Something smells good! What is it? It's me! I<br />

love this aftershave!<br />

LISTER: You are five minutes away from the greatest<br />

meal of your life, man, so set your tastebuds on<br />

Defcom 3!<br />

CAT: Hey, you've really made an effort here! Where'd<br />

you get all this stuff?<br />

page 14

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