to download the PDF for free - Biblical Blueprints

Helping Your
Children Overcome
ANGER
Phillip G. Kayser

Phillip G. Kayser
Helping Your Children Overcome Anger
Copyright © 2009, 2006, 2003 Phillip G. Kayser
All Rights Reserved.
Published By Biblical Blueprints
13110 Birch Dr • STE 148 #370 • Omaha, NE 68164-4160
(402) 934-4619 • www.biblicalblueprints.org
Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible,
New King James Version. Published by Thomas Nelson. © 1994, 1982,
1980, 1979 Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by Permission.

Helping Your Children Overcome Anger
Biblical Blueprints
Omaha, NE
Phillip G. Kayser

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
Proverb 16:32
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit
is like a city broken down, without walls.
Proverb 25:28

Contents:
Anger Can be Controlled .............................................................1
Practical Advice For Conquering Anger...................................1
Possible Root Causes of Anger .............................................4
Possible Related Problems.....................................................4
Destroying the Root Causes that Feed Anger...........................5
Demonic influence .................................................................5
Bitterness ................................................................................5
Pride ........................................................................................5
Guilt.........................................................................................6
Hatred......................................................................................6
Rebellion.................................................................................6
Unyielded Rights....................................................................7
Self-Centeredness...................................................................7

Anger Can be Controlled
Anger Can be Controlled • 1
1. A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it
back (Prov. 29:11).
2. Since God commands us to put away anger (Psa. 37:8; Eph.
4:31; Col. 3:8), there is hope. Christ died to enable us to
conquer these sins and He promises sufficient grace and a
way out (1Cor. 10:13; Heb. 2:17-18; 4:15-16).
3. Think of times in your own life when you have controlled
your anger.
Practical Advice For Conquering Anger
• Don't cover for him or excuse him or get him out of his
mess. Proverbs 19:19 "A man of great wrath will suffer
punishment; For if you rescue him, you will have to do it
again." He won't outgrow this. He will just get worse.
• Pull your children away from angry people. Isolate the
angry child and discipline. Proverbs 22:24 says, "Make
no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man
do not go."
• Try to recognize the motivations for the anger (see
accompanying chart for ideas). Your homework
exercises should be attempts at destroying the sinful
motivations. See appropriate exercises for each
motivation.
• Start the child on a Scripture memory and meditation
program. Some great Scriptures to memorize and use to
resist Satan with are: Prov. 16:32; Matt. 11:29; Psa.
141:3; John 13:35; Matt 5:43-48; 1Cor. 13:4-5; Gal. 5:22;
Prov. 17:27; 19:11; 14:17; Heb. 10:30
• Engage in spiritual warfare. Meditate on Scriptural
music (1Sam. 16,18), Scripture itself (what Christ used).
Apply the blood of Christ to the child. Pray over him.

2 • Helping Your Children Overcome Anger
Take the Biblical authority in Christ that you have to
resist Satan's hold on the child. Ask for angelic warriors
to protect the family.
• Teach the child to thank God for the situation that makes
him angry (Eph. 5:20; 1Thes. 5:18).
• Teach the child to analyze why he is angry. (It usually
indicates that a goal of the child's is being obstructed. He
needs to determine if it is a good or a bad goal. If it is a
righteous goal, the anger should be used to destroy the
problem, not the person.)
• If there is a righteous goal that the child has a right to
pursue, teach the child to take corrective action rather
than blowing up. The action may be to withdraw, to ask
a parent to intervene, to gently rebuke the one offending
him, to conquer the evil with kindness, etc.
• If the goal is not righteous, teach the child to put off the
underlying sinful attitudes that have led to the anger (see
chart later on).
• Also, teach the child to ask God for forgiveness, not just
the person he was angry at.
• Teach the child to not rejoice when calamity hits the one
who torments him (Prov. 24:17-18), but rather to pray for
that person's repentance and to seek to win that person
through kindness (Rom. 12:9-21).
• Teach the child to seek to restore communication whether
they are the one at fault (Matt. 5:21-26) or whether the
other person is the one at fault (Matt. 18:15-20).
• Teach the child to try to resolve conflicts before bedtime
(Eph. 4:26-27). Otherwise Satan may gain an advantage
through the anger (v. 27).
• Show the child some of the disastrous results of anger
• Cain's anger led to murder (Gen. 4:5; see also Moses
- Ex. 2:11-12; Acts 7:24-25; Simeon and Levi - Gen.
34:5-27; 49:5-7).
• Esau's anger made him want to murder Jacob (Gen.
27:45; see also David 1Sam. 25:13,21-22).

Practical Advice For Conquering Anger • 3
• Anger kept Moses out of the promised land (Numb.
20:10).
• Anger made Balaam abuse his animal (Numb. 22:29).
• Anger over what he thought was a silly command
almost kept Namaan from getting healed (2Kings
5:11).
• Anger made Jonah and later Martha rebuke the Lord
(Jonah 4:1-11; Luke 10:38-42).
• Anger gives Satan an advantage over us (Eph. 4:27).
and loss of spiritual protection (Prov. 25:28).
• Anger produces strife (Prov. 15:18; 30:33).
• An angry man abounds in sins (Prov. 29:22).
• Anger causes harm (Psa. 37:8).
• Anger exalts folly (Prov. 14:29).
• Anger unchecked teaches others to be angry (Prov.
22:24).
• Anger can lead to violence against friends (1Sam.
16:14-23; 18:10-11) and even relatives (1Sam.
20:33).
• Teach the child to distinguish between righteous and
unrighteous anger and what the proper motives, goals and
standards for such anger are:
A. It is sinful if it grows out of pride, hurt feelings, etc.
B. It is sinful if expressed in either of the following ways:
1. Blowing up (ventilation)
a. Prov. 29:11; 25:28; 19:11; 29:20-22; 14:17,19;
Eph. 4:31.
b. Energy is wasted in ventilation and used to tear
up others, rather than the problem itself.
c. Anger against a person is murder in the heart
(Matt. 5:21-26) which can lead to actual murder
(Gen. 4:5-7)
2. Clamming up (internalization)
a. Lev. 19:17,18; Eph. 4:26-27; Matt. 18:15-17;
Prov. 24:17-18.

4 • Helping Your Children Overcome Anger
b. Energy is wasted and used to tear up self.
c. Even unexpressed anger can be murder (Matt.
5:22)
C. Anger is righteous and beneficial if:
1. It avoids blowing up at another person or clamming
up.
2. It is released under control and aimed at tearing
(destroying) the problem while building up the
person (Eph. 4:29).
3. It has the right motive, goal and standard.
a. Example of a wrong motive (Gen. 4:6).
b. Example of a wrong goal (Jonah 4:9).
c. Examples of a wrong standards regulating anger:
(1). Levi and Simeon had an anger that was out
of proportion to the problem (Gen. 34).
(2). Saying things that you later regret (Prov.
10:19; 17:27).
(3). Failing to be slow to anger: i.e. failing to
give yourself time to evaluate the motive,
goal and standard. (Prov. 14:17; Eccl. 7:9;
cf. Prov. 16:32; James 1:19).
(4). See Anger homework for other standards
that Scripture gives to govern anger.
Possible Root Causes of Anger
(See charts that follow)
Possible Related Problems
Demonic influence,
Bitterness, Guilt, Hatred,
Pride, Rebellion,
Unyielded Rights, Selfcenteredness
Selfishness, Lack of
security in Christ, Self-
Justification, Broken
relationships

Destroying the Root Causes that Feed Anger • 5
Destroying the Root Causes that Feed Anger
Demonic influence
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
James 3:6,13-
18
Bitterness
James 3:13-16
1Sam 15:23
James 3:17-18 1Sam.16:14-23
1Sam.18:10-11
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Deut. 29:18 Deut. 29:18 Deut. 29:18 Deut. 29:18
Acts 8:22,23 Acts 8:22 Matt. 5:24 Acts 8:9-14
Heb. 12:15 Heb. 12:15 Heb. 12:14,15 Heb. 12:16,17;
Gen. 27:39-41
James 3:14,15 James 3:14,15 James
3:13,17,18
Col. 3:19 Col. 3:19
Eph. 4:31 Eph. 4:32 Eph. 4:32
Pride
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Psalm 101:5;
119:21; 138:6
Prov. 6:16-19;
8:13; 11:2;
15:25; 16:5,18;
26:12; 29:23
Isa. 2:12;
14:12-15
Jer. 50:31
Dan. 8:24,25
Mark 7:21-23
Luke 1:51,52;
14:11
James 4:6
1John 2:16,17
Psalm 75:5
Prov. 6:17;
11:2; 13:10;
16:18; 28:25;
29:23
Jer. 49:16
Dan. 5:20
Rom. 12:3,16
Phil. 2:3
James 4:10
1Peter 5:6
Deut. 8:L11-14
Prov 8:13;
11:2; 16:19;
18:12; 27:2;
29:23
Luke 14:11
1Cor. 8:1
Eph 4:1-3
Phil. 2:3-11
Col. 3:12
1John 2:16,17
2Chron. 26:16;
32:25
2Kings 20:13
Isa. 14:12-15
Ezek. 16:49;
28:17
Luke 18:11-14
1Tim. 3:6

6 • Helping Your Children Overcome Anger
Guilt
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Ex. 34:7
Numb. 14:18
Deut. 21:9;
28:15-68
1Kings
2:9,3,7,14
Prov. 28:13
Rom. 6:23
James 2:10
Hatred
Lev. 6:2-5
Deut. 21:9
Psalm 51
Prov. 28:13
James 5:16
1John 1:9
Psa. 51:14,15,
17,19;
119:2,3,9
Prov. 23:17
James 5:16
Acts 5:29
Rom.
6:4,11,13; 12:1
1John 1:9
Gen. 3:6-13;
42:21
1Sam. 24:5
Psalm 32
John 8:9
Acts 5:1-11
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Gen 49:5-7
Prov. 8:36;
14:17,30;
19:19; 29:22
Matt. 5:22
Rom 1:29-32
Gal. 5:21,21
1John 2:9,11;
3:15
Rebellion
Lev. 19:17
Psa. 37:8
Eph. 4:31
Col. 3:8
Psa. 37:7,11
Prov. 16:7;
25:21,22
Matt. 5:44
Luke 6:27,28
Rom. 12:20,21
1Cor. 13
Eph. 4:32
Col. 3:12-14
Gen. 4:1-8;
27:41; 37:4
1Sam. 18:29
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Deut. 21:18-21
Josh 22:18-20
1Sam. 15:23
Prov. 10:11
Isa. 1:20; 30:1
Ezek.
20:8,13,20
Psa. 66:7 1Sam.
15:22,23
Psa. 1:2
Gen. 4:3,4
Deut. 9:23
1Sam. 15
2Sam. 15:1-2
Isa. 1:1-9;
14:12-17;
63:10
Dan. 9:4-7

Unyielded Rights
Destroying the Root Causes that Feed Anger • 7
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Luke 14:26 1Cor. 7:27 1Cor.
7:8,20,24
1Cor. 9:5
Matt 10:37 Matt 6:22 Matt 8:22 Matt 4:22
Luke 18:24,25 Psalm 62:10 Prov. 3:9 Luke 18
Prov 23:2 Luke 12:22 1Cor. 10:31 Dan. 1
1Thess. 4:3-8 1Thess. 4:3 Gal. 5:16 Gen. 39
2Tim. 2:22 Col. 3:5
Rom. 13:14 2Tim. 2:22
Rom. 13:14
Prov. 23:21 Prov 6:4
Prov 20:13
Prov 20:13 Prov 6:6-12
1Cor 6:19
Mark 14:36
1Cor. 6:24
Rom. 6:12 Rom 6:13
Matt 6:14,15; 1Cor. 5:15;
1Sam. 24:11
23:11,12 9:27
Job 1:21
Rom. 12:19
Matt. 18:21-35
1Tim. 6:8
John 13:5
Self-Centeredness
God's View Put Off Put On Illustration
Psa. 36:2
Prov. 14:12,16
Prov. 21:17;
26:12
Isa. 5:21
Jer 17:5
Gal. 6:3,7
Phil. 2:3-5
Rev. 3:17
Isa. 30:15
Matt 7:5
Matt 16:24
1Cor. 10:24;
13:5
Phil. 2:3
John 12:25
Rom. 13:14
1Cor. 10:33
Gal. 6:2,14
Eph. 4:28
Phil. 2:4
1Pet 4:2
2Pet 1:5
1Sam. 18:4
1Kings 19
Luke 9:57-62
Luke 12; 16-21
Luke 18:11

"Anger and bitterness are two noticeable signs of being
focused on self and not trusting God's sovereignty in
your life. When you believe that God causes all things
to work together for good to those who belong to Him
and love Him, you can respond to trials with joy instead
of anger or bitterness (based on John 14:15; Rom. 5:3-5;
8:28-29; Eph. 4:31; James 1:2-4; 1Pet. 1:13-16; 1John
5:3)."
John C. Broger, Self-Confrontation, 11.1.

Other writings available from the publisher:
Aids to Beautification—Jewelry, cosmetics, and perfumes
Baptism By Sprinkling—Mode of Baptism
Is the Bible a Textbook?
Bitterness—Overcoming this Besetting Sin
Church Incorporation—Jurisdictional Separation of Church and State
Church Membership—A Study of the Concept of Church Rolls
Communication Principles
Critique of Full Preterism—Eschatology
Dressed Up For Church?—Appropriate Clothing for Worship
Educating Our Children at Home—Homeschooling
Ethics of Organ Transplants
Feed My Lambs—Children and the Lord’s Table
Getting Christians Back into Politics
Glory and Coverings—A Study of 1 Corinthians 1:11-16
Government Theft—Biblical Call for Limited Government
Has God Indeed Said?—Textual Criticism
Helping Your Children Overcome Anger
How to Put Away Lying
In Christ’s Name—Doing everything as Unto the Lord
In Defense of Liberty—A treatise on just opposition to tyranny
In God We Trust—Defending the national motto of America
Inerrancy—Dealing with Objections
Is the Death Penalty Just?
Leader Development—A Father’s Mentoring Checklist
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness—Church and State
Math and the Bible
Ministerial Education—The Bible's Normative Patte r n
The Flaw of Natural Law
Predestined to Believe—An exposition of Acts 13.48
Prayers for Spiritual Warfare
Problem of Evil
Public Assembly—A Call to Attend Public Worship
Ransom Paid—The Biblical Answer to Universalism
ROSES—The 5 Points of Christian Reconstruction
Ruins of Athens—The Curse of the Athenian Model of Education
Sabbath—A Defense of Honoring the Lord’s Day
Seeing History With New Eyes—A Guide to Presenting Providential History
Seven Biblical Principles that Call for Infant Baptism
Universal Suffrage—Voting in the Church and Society
What is Truth?—Reasoning from the Right Starting Point
Worldview Reading List
Why Study Theology?—A Call to ‘study yourself approved’
Visit www.biblicalblueprints.org for additional titles

Helping Your Children
Overcome Anger
Phillip G. Kayser
O
ne of the most common
reactions to this fallen world is
anger; whether we call it
"frustration", "impatience", or "being
stressed out" the emotion is the same
and rarely is it admirable. The Bible
offers timely advice for overcoming this besetting sin to lead a
life of joy, peace, and contentment.
Phillip Kayser is the Senior Pastor of Dominion Covenant Church in
Omaha, NE. He holds a M.Div. from Westminster Theological
Seminary (California) and a Ph.D. from Whitefield Theological
Seminary (Florida). He and his wife Kathy have 5 children.
Biblical Blueprints
Living By God’s Design
Omaha, NE
www.biblicalblueprints.org