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about Emily’s reaction. A month is a long time for a toddler.
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When I walked through the door, Emily was sitting near her toys
in the dining room. “Hey!” I said in my most amiable voice. I didn’t
realize it until I got closer, but she was turning away from me. So I
knelt down and tried to pick her up. This only started her whining, so
I let her go and she ran into the kitchen to Kim crying the whole way.
I was utterly devastated. I knew it wasn’t her fault, but I guess I’d been
hoping for a seamless experience when I walked in. Things also seemed
different with Kim.
Looking back, it’s easy to see why the mood had altered
between us all. My relationship with Kim and Emily had consisted of
nothing more than phone calls and texts for four weeks. More than this,
I was working exhaustedly on traumatic experiences. My feelings had
atrophied, if even in part. And we all knew it. But it was Emily who
catalyzed the movement back to normal.
For most of that first day, Emily stayed close to Kim. But at
dinner, she remembered something we’d done, what to her must have
been so long ago. I put my face down by her while she sloppily ate. She
then raised her fork to me and offered some of her food and laughed. It
was her sign to me… a symbol of understanding and love. “Here, eat my
food.”
The rest came back effortlessly. And the following weekends
couldn’t have been better. I left the program and returned in late
October. A few days later, we took Emily trick-or-treating. The neighbors
ogled over her. All seemed as well as it could be. My sense of
accountability with Emmy grew larger. I started changing diapers,
giving in, and babysitting more.
Not long ago, Kim conned Emily into painting my toenails. Of
course, with children, especially toddlers, you can’t tell them no. So once
it was in the air, I was committed. She grabbed my big toe, unable to fit
her hand completely around it, and brushed kid’s scented nail polish all