Shadow's Son by Shirley Meier, S.M. Stirling and Karen Wehrstein ...

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"How old are people when they stop being the way they were brought up, and start being the way they
decide?"
Megan started to answer, stopped, thought. "When they decide to decide; at age ten or one hundred, or
never. It takes work, though. The first step is seeing how." She grimaced in the dark. "Next there's the
choice of what kind of person to be—andthen you have to be strong enough to stick to a course that
leads toward that."
"You've shown me all the problems with the way I was brought up," Sova said. "That women shouldn't
be weak or stupid or illiterate or pacifistic…" She went on listing the Zak and Kommanz
counter-prejudices to Thanisn prejudices, by rote. "Butshe doesn't think there's anything wrong with the
way she was brought up. Or why would shebrag about it so much?"
"That's a way of hiding how much it hurts—the 'see-I'm-tough' ruse. She doesn't always know there are
other ways to see the world. Saying, knowing in your guts, and acting are three different things. You can
say women aren't weak, stupid and so on, but when it comes down to it, it's how youfeel ."
"I feel weak and stupid a lot when she's training me. I only feel strong when I'm somewhere else. I
sometimes feel strong when I'm fighting; I'm getting used to it. I don't know whether I feel likeme or not
because I don't know who me is anymore." In the slight light, Megan could see the girl's face turned
mask-like again; hiding emotion, like Shkai'ra.
"Everyone wonders who they are at fourteen. I was telling myself I wasn't 'the captain's slut.' I suppose
you're imagining parallels between Shkai'ra and Sarngela…" Megan faltered for a moment, stopped short
by the thought. "Samgeld, who owned me, because she can be tyrannical, and maybe because of things
I've said, though youknow Shkai'ra would never abuse you. In that sense I can understand part of you
being glad she's missing; perhaps dead."
She made the words sound sure; but felt her hands trembling.Why? I know Shkai'ra. After all this
time, there can't be anything I don't know, any hidden darkness in her I haven't seen… can there ?
Silence held for a while. Finally Sova said quietly, "It's not thingsyou said. It's thingsshe said."
"Oh?" The night suddenly got quieter, and hotter.
"You weren't there." The girl's voice was barely a whisper.
"What did she say?"
"She… she made us take off all our clothes. In front of the crowd. You didn't see; you were helping
Piatr. And she… she said I was too young, but the way she looked at me… that was two years ago."
"Too young. Too young forwhat ?" Megan felt the edge creep into her voice, the shrill of tension, roiling
up out of the pit of her stomach.No one knows anyone , one of her teachers had once said.Entirely .
She set her teeth, pressed her hands on her knees to stop their shaking.
"Too young for… you know! We were… we werenaked . She said it was about time she got some of
her own back. She saysthat happened to her all the time…"
"Damn her." Megan heard her own voice: black, thick, Dark Lord-toned. The girl wasn't making it up