ANALOG vs DIGITAL - Ultra High Fidelity Magazine

How to Sing the Blues
Most Blues begin, Woke up this mornin’.
“I got a good woman,” is a bad way to begin the Blues, ’less you stick something
nasty in the next line, like, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
Then repeat it. Find something that sort of rhymes:
Got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Roseanne Barr
And she weigh 500 pound
The Blues ain’t about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch.
Your gotta have the right car for the Blues, like Chevys and Cadillacs and
broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUV’s. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and statesponsored
motor pools ain’t even in the runnin’.
Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.
Notes From San Francisco
Teenagers can’t sing the Blues, ‘cause they ain’t supposed to be fixin’ to die yet.
Rory Gallagher
Adults sing the Blues, and bein’ an adult means bein’ old enough to get the electric
Eagle Records ER201552
chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
Gerard Rejskind: In UHF No. 90 Blues can take place in New York City, but not Hawaii, Canada, or no place that
I reviewed a film about the late Irish don’t get rain. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson ain’t the Blues, it’s just depression.
guitarist Rory Gallagher, once called The best places for the Blues are still Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City.
the world’s greatest guitarist by no less Breaking your leg skiing on Mont Blanc is not the Blues.
than Jimi Hendrix. Though the image You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong.
was grainy and the sound mediocre Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
(the film was from 1974), Gallagher’s Good places for the Blues are the highway, the jailhouse, an empty bed, or the
mastery THIS of his instrument MAGAZINE was nothing IS INTERACTIVE!
bottom of a whisky glass.
less than awesome. I was It work eager in to three spend ways. Bad places are ashrams, gallery openings, Ivy League colleges and golf courses.
time with In this the table double of CD, contents, which click might on an article No one title, will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ’less you happen to be a ole
provide a higher and you resolution are whisked window right onto to the Black article. man, and you slept in it.
Gallagher’s In the magic. list of advertisers on the second-last Do you page, have the right to sing the Blues?
The click first disc on an is from ad name, a San and Francisco go right to the Yes, ad if: itself. (a) you’re older than dirt, (b) you’re blind, (c) you shot a man in Memphis,
studio session of unspecified Then click date, on and an it ad, or (d) you can’t be satisfied.
and is terrific. your browser What I will heard, take in electrifyingly
you right to the advertiser’s No, if: (a) you Web have page. all your teeth, (b) you once were blind but now can see, (c)
better Remember sonics, is a when guitarist you’d who have uses to his circle the little man numbers in Memphis lived, (d) you have a retirement plan or trust fund.
guitar strings as on others a card use you their would vocal then mail Blues in? is not a matter of color. Even Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Gary
cords. The Doesn’t sounds that soar, seem they like swoop, a long Coleman time ago?
could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
they burst out explosively. Even for those If you ask for water and Baby give you kerosene, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable
who know and admire Hendrix, Eric Blues beverages are: Thunderbird, bourbon, muddy water and black coffee.
Clapton and Keith Richards, Gallagher The following are not Blues beverages: mixed drinks, Kosher wine, Snapple and
will be a revelation. The music is largely Perrier.
from Gallagher’s own pen, and much A Blues death can occur in a cheap motel or a crab shack. Stabbed in the back
of it is nothing less than brilliant, with by a jealous lover is a good Blues way to die. So is death by injection, substance
counterpoints that constantly surprise abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot, but not during a tennis match or
you. The hit on that first disc is Wheels getting liposuction.
Within Wheels, undeniably a masterpiece. Some Blues names for women: Sadie, Big Mama, Bessie, Fat River Dumpling.
The second disc is totally different. Women called Sierra, Sequoia, Phoenix, and Rainbow can’t sing the Blues no matter
Recorded in December of 1979 at the how many men they shoot in Memphis.
Old Waldorf in San Francisco, it has a Some Blues names for men: Joe, Willie, Little Willie, Big Willie.
listing for the engineer who supposedly You can make yer own Blues name. Start with:
recorded it, but the sound has bootleg (a) Name of physical infirmity (blind, cripple, lame, etc.)
written all over it. My ear tells me it’s (b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (lemon, lime, kiwi, etc.)
from a concealed Walkman Professional (c) Last name of an American President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, but not
in the sixth row. The music itself is no Kennedy or Obama.) Examples: Blind Joe Lime Jefferson, Cripple Willie Kiwi
less good for all that. Listen to the third Fillmore.
track, Off the Handle, and marvel at the I don’t care how tragic your life, you own a iPod, you cannot sing the Blues.
fingerwork near the end.
Best epitaph for a Blues singer: Didn’t wake up this mornin’.
And then it’s back to the first disc,
ULTRA HIGH FIDELITY Magazine 73
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