CHECK Magazin - Gesundheitsmagazin für Männer No.11

Psychology
SURVIVING IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
It becomes especially difficult when you
love a narcissistic person. A relationship – in
the sense of “I relate to you” – must be in a
healthy balance so that a partnership can
be lived harmoniously and lovingly on equal
footing. A basic prerequisite for this, however,
is healthy self-love: often we do not accept
love because we think we are undeserving of
it. Or we give up too much and ultimately give
ourselves up because we’d rather be unhappy
than make others unhappy. This can be like a
sitting duck to narcissists.
The partner may initially be ensnared
in a conspicuously charming, humorous
and eloquent manner, but verbal
abuse occurs later if the addiction
to admiration and attention is not
sufficiently fulfilled.
Once the narcissist dominates in the
relationship, attention is repeatedly drawn to
themself in conversations and the partner is
“punished” through disregard and their abilities
and successes are usually ignored. Even
if they are supposedly proud of their partners
to the outside world, this pride is more
related to their own perceived attractiveness.
People with strong narcissistic traits often
use their partners for the fulfillment of their
sexual or social desires: the so-called trophy
partner serves as decoration to emphasize
their own self and to get more recognition.
Narcissist partners don’t allow for criticism
and if it happens their partner is fiercely
attacked in response. This means that after
a while the partner doesn’t say anything
more. The lack of courage to address things
ultimately results in a loss of trust, intimacy
and security.
YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ME ANYWAY
“You’re so sensitive,” or “You just don’t
under stand me” are typical phrases that
come up in these arguments. At some point
you can no longer do anything right as a
partner, dis cussions are fruitless and you
are almost waiting for the next argument,
which is often simply provoked. Of course,
this also entails physical problems: stress,
non- rhythmic breathing and palpitations.
Stress is psychological poison: It weakens
our immune system because dopamine and
adrenaline are poured out over and over
again and we are constantly tense. Often the
narcissist then has to go further and further
to induce the desired level of stress in the
other person. Physical violence can become
a resort here to achieve this.
Warning signs of intimate partner violence
range from manipulation, intimidation,
humiliation, isolation, to jealousy, blackmail
and making the other feel guilty. Yet even at
this point, partners can still have hope that
this love will get better and that everything
will be fine.
SETTING LIMITS AND STRENGTHENING
SELF-ESTEEM
If permanent insults, non-appreciation and
non-fulfilment of one’s own needs occurs,
a separation should be considered. You
shouldn’t wait until violence occurs, but
make it clear to your partner: If you don’t
behave differently next time, I won’t go along
with it anymore. However, you have to be
consistent and really go when the line is
crossed again. Of course, toxic relationships
do not only take place in love relationships,
but also in professional life and social
networks. Here we all have to look inside and
consistently set limits again and again.
52 CHECK BERLIN #11
Our author Michaela Medrow is a
pharmaceutical representative and
beautician for Witzleben Apotheken,
Kaiserdamm 24+26, 14057 Berlin.
www.witzleben-apotheke.de