CHECK Magazin - Gesundheitsmagazin für Männer No.11

Partnership
already compromising at this point in the relationship, you will probably soon feel more poison,
for example in the form of emotional blackmail. Phrases like “If you leave now, it’s over” or “If
you really love me, you wouldn’t behave like this” are nothing more than manipulations to gain
control over the victim, who sub sequently blossoms less and feels less safe and at home.
On the contrary, they feel bad around the toxic person and lose confidence and energy.
The initial infatuation quickly turns into a dependency on how nice the toxic person is
to them. Incidentally, this “being nice” never has anything to do with love, no matter
how much the toxic person insists. The toxic person is only nice when the victim behaves
as they should. And in order to achieve this, they will go to great lengths.
TOXIC FOR THE ADVANCED
There are many types of toxic people: manipulators, emotional vampires, envious
people, imposters, narcissists, dictators. But they all have one thing in common:
they are never to blame. On the contrary, they always give you the feeling that
you owe them something. When they cross boundaries, they claim to have done
so with the best of intentions and expect gratitude for doing so. “I told the
neighbour you like to drink so she wouldn’t worry if we got loud again.” By
spreading rumours, the toxic person gains control over the narratives in the
relationship. The victim is branded as problematic and thus loses credibility.
Another stage is the so-called gaslighting, a term that comes from the
1944-film Gaslight. In it, an impostor tricks his wife into believing she is
mentally ill. He manipulates a gas lamp in such a way that the light
flickers. While the wife notices and comments on it, the man claims
that she is just imagining it. This extreme form of manipulation can’t
work in the long run, so the toxic person has to get inventive. For
example, they will create situations where the victim is portrayed
as appearing like a perpetrator: “You want everyone to think I’m cruel
and manipulative.” Getting out of such a situation is extremely difficult
for the victim, because there is now a lack of self-esteem, a sense of
what is true and what is not, and also a lack of social contacts through
which a reality check and exposing the toxic person would be possible. In
order to emotionally survive in this situation, the victim must repeatedly
become a helper, apologise and take responsibility for their bad behaviour.
“YOU WANT
EVERYONE TO
THINK I’M
CRUEL AND
MANIPULATIVE.”
WHY AM I SO STUPID?
You’re not and it has nothing to do with stupidity anyway. If a toxic person wants to
hack into your life, they will. The only thing that helps is to stay alert and not paint the
red flags pink and hope the person might change. Are your friends saying the guy isn’t
quite kosher? Are you afraid that he or she will become violent? Is your partner constantly
pushing your buttons or making you feel like you’re not good enough? Then run and
don’t wonder why toxic people are the way they are. That is the task of psychologists and
sociologists. Leave the rest to karma or the competent court. Cut contact, look ahead and
in the future: Stay on the beach and munch that sandwich rather than get out into that surf.
CAUTION:
Domestic violence includes all all forms of of physical, sexual and/or psychological violence between
people people in mostly in mostly domestic domestic communities. The location The location of the of event the event can also can be also outside be outside the home,
between
the e. g. home, on the e.g. street, on the in street, a shop in and a shop place and of work. place In of the work. event In the of an event acute of an threat, acute please threat, call please the police
call immediately the police on immediately 110. on 110.
34 CHECK BERLIN #11